One Nerdy Cupcake

{February 1, 2012}   The Fila Monster

So, if you don’t like posts about animals and how much we love them, this would be one you wouldn’t want to read.

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This is my dog Fila. I should say our dog because he was a family dog, but for the sake of this post I’m saying my dog.

I’ve had him since he was a sick puppy. Took care of him through everything.

When I left for Tampa, I had already known that he was sick. He was older (about 15) and he had a tumor on his tongue, with another forming on his head above his right eye.

Yesterday I got a call from my mother that Fila was sick. He hadn’t been able to control his body, wasn’t moving very well, I guess there was blood on the floor at some point to.

This morning my sister called to tell me they put Fila down. There was too much cancer to save such an old dog.

There’s something that goes through you when a pet dies. Its not the same as when a person dies, because people around you generally know the person and you can talk about it. Maybe it’s because I’m alone down here. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to say goodbye.

But losing Fila is one of those moments that everything went in slow motion. I calmly finished the work I was doing. I told P and Z what happened.

Then I went into my room and bawled my eyes out for an hour. Then went and got a milkshake to soothe my emotions.

The thing with Fila is (and everyone in my family has their own version) he really was the best dog in the world. I mean, I love Gizmo (my other dog) to pieces, and I’ll probably say the same thing when he passes on.

But Fila seemed more human then not. He knew when I was having a bad day, because he wouldn’t leave my side. If I sat on the ground, he would give me a hug…well what we called a Fila hug. He would put his head on your shoulder and lean in. If he was sitting he would put his paw on your leg. It was one of the most comforting things you could ask for. I mean, how can you deny a hug coming from a puppy? You can’t, you really can’t.

He would lay on me while I gamed. If I was getting to riled up he would knock off my headset and put his head in my lap (okay, he probably did that for other reasons too.) When I was sick (which was a lot before we figured out what was wrong) he would lay in my doorway to my room until I was able to move again. During the winter, him and my dad both snore, so he would sleep in my parents room and it sounded like they were having snore fights. When he begged for food, it was just him putting his head on your lap and giving puppy dog eyes. Even up until the day I left (and I’m sure while he could after I left) he was chasing the tennis balls around the yard like he was still a puppy. It started getting harder for him to see and hear about a year ago, but that went with age, not the cancer.

Fila Monster or Fila Pup were my pet names for him. When we got him no one wanted him. He was all black (including his tongue) and that scares people. We wanted to rename him Duke, but he would only answer to Fila. I called him Fila Monster since it was so opposite of what he was. He was just a sweet dog that was fiercely loyal.

He did bite our neighbor once, but it was in protection of my dad. The neighbor was angry and was going after dad. He bit him in the leg as a response…he got lucky, he probably would have gone for a more deadly attack if he had actually touched him.

There is a pic up there where I am laying on a pillow and he is laying with me. That was a day when my back was spazzing pretty badly. He came up to me while I was laying there and kissed my head. I shifted a little and he stole my pillow. Thats just the type of dog he was. He was great.

So that is all of it. That is my dog, and I don’t think words can describe how much I’ll miss him. How devastated I am that I wasn’t there when it all went to hell. How sorry I am I wasn’t there to say goodbye.

I love you Fila Monster. I know you’ll be playing ball wherever you are.


et cetera