One Nerdy Cupcake











{December 10, 2010}   A Somewhat Serious Post

Sorry, I didn’t get a post up yesterday. I have issues. That yay, you get to hear about!

I’m working on keeping at least a post a day up here. But I really do have issues…mainly of the psychological kind. We all do. We all hit those moments.

I am not medicated, and I probably should consider going back to medication, but I have severe (almost crippling) social anxiety, bi-polar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. Doing this blog is my way of reaching out of my bubble that I’ve created (the room that I took you on a tour of earlier this week). Behind the scenes of my geekery is one very scared girl.

I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that while my dreams of being a rockstar or an actress are probably gone with age (25 is a hard age to break out in these days) and lack of money (an agent in my area, bare bones, worst agent you can find is a minimum of a $400 down payment, which I never have lying around) and have pretty much succumbed to the fact that I am probably doing what I do best…being behind a computer…for the rest of my life is fine, I’ve never faced this huge a failure in life before.

This failure I’m talking of is being fired. I know, its silly. But I’ve never honestly been trained in anything my whole career life. I’ve always trained myself and I’ve never failed. Never had any issues.

But I struggled and I failed in this job, and facing that is really, really difficult. I know people who constantly get fired from jobs or can’t hold a job down for longer than 2 months and I really don’t know how people do that I would go crazy. I am, currently, going very crazy. Panic attacks left and right.

So I write these blog posts when I have something interesting to say, or something funny, or witty, or whatever.

My goal is still at least a post a day. I won’t post any self depreciating things and stuff like that. I just felt like I owe an explanation for right now, and why I’m probably a lot more cynical and a lot less funny.  I have a Tree Decorating party tonight, a Tree Decorating party tomorrow afternoon and a Big Lebowski party tomorrow night. Before you ask, yes this does play into my anxiety, but for the most part it is family or people I consider family, so I’m somewhat okay. I will probably still need to medicate in some form (most likely alcohol).

But within those I should find a voice and a better post. One that doesn’t suck like this one. I should probably write about The Walking Dead and my love of it too.

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