Virtual Tour of My Life Part 2

So, really in all honesty there is only a couple of places left to see. But you need to know one thing.

The dogs rule in our house.

Fila

This is Fila. He is 14 years old. He’s going blind and deaf. I can’t take a picture of him if he’s not asleep. See that purple under him? We have fleece blankets over all of our couch instead of couch cushions, because between him and Gizmo (pictured next) we barely have any cushions. Also, half the time we can’t sit on the couch because one of them are there and will not allow us to sit with them. They don’t bite or anything…but they plan out little revenges. Like throwing up in front of people we’ve had over for the first time. Or humping each other in the same situation.

Gizmo

This is Gizmo. The fact that he is in fact he is a giant dog does not show well in this picture. He is a German Shepherd/Alaskan Malmute mix. Fila is a Chow/Lab mix. Gizmo also thinks he is a lap dog, and tries to sit on us on a pretty regular basis. I think he weighs about 135 pounds, and its not a pleasant weight for your lap. Gizmo is afraid of everything. He will not go through a door that is even a little closed (the door has to be pressed against the wall). He will not jump down from a bed (and sometimes couch) if there is nothing underneath (like a blanket or one of the dog beds that are constantly ignored). He will not go up the top stair without being coaxed. He’ll climb up to it, but he will not finish going up the step until we tell him “Come on Gizmo!” I have crazy dogs.

This occurs every 10 minutes in the winter.

They also take over the tiny bathroom we have. Currently we have 4 people living here. That number changes often, just because of siblings and all of us moving in and out. But we only have one full bathroom, so we all share it. This includes the dogs.

Yes. They like the area between the bathtub and the toilet. I don't know why.

Trying to have bathroom privacy in this house is kind of a joke. While I’m in the shower, my mom is usually blow drying her hair and my brother is pounding on the door. Its pretty normal to us. But I do have a few issues with the bathroom.

I’m claustrophobic. I hate showering for this reason. Also for the reason that our shower curtain SUCKS, and has a life of its own and tries to eat me while I’m showering. We also get spiders and ants THAT FALL OUT OF THE WALL. Its super creepy. One time I counted no less than 40 ants fall out of the wall in a 5 minute period. I said fuck it and skipped the shower that day. Got ant traps and cowered. There is also one little area that refuses to not be slippery. I wash down the shower before I get into it, I’ve worn those stupid shower slippers…I NEVER NOT SLIP ON THAT SPOT. I don’t know what it is! Its just meant to always be slippery.

For all things evil, enter this tiny area.

I have one little area of entertainment. Where the Wii is hooked up and my Netflix is cued. That, in fact, is this area:

TA DA!!!!!

This is actually the first thing you see when you walk in. Wii, Netflix and a big TV…all it requires is for me to leave my room.

I spend a lot of time in here. One because I own a bakery. Two because I'm a fatty.

This is the place where food takes place. I can usually be seen standing in there stuffing my face, or standing in there baking something to later stuff my face with.

Yay, more of the food room!

Yes, we keep our pills in the kitchen. And we are a family of Chicago Bears fans. Also, that toaster there? Just for show really. It is completely bi-polar. I’ll put it where it says it will burn, and then it barely toasts it. Then I’ll put it down to toast again and it is completely burned to crap. I can’t win!

So that is the tour of my oh so exciting household. Don’t you feel just a little bit closer now?