One Nerdy Cupcake

{January 25, 2013}   Run With The Moon Part 2

RunWithTheMoonCoverAfter a lot of thought and consideration, after I post this second half to RWTM, I am going to turn this into a graphic novel. I feel like what I want to convey needs the visual element. The post apocalyptic world needs its illustrations. So I’ll be working on converting this into a script and with some concept art. I know a few artists, see if any are interested in doing something like this. Its going to be quite the challenge. For both myself and whoever the artist will be. So enjoy the second half of RWTM, it’s going to be a whole new project soon enough. You can read Part One here.

Takumi tugged at my sleeve. “Sienna?” He showed me the electronics he was working with. It looked like a hand. He touched wires together, making the fingers move. “Like you?” He pointed at my left arm, hooked up to the machines. I nodded. “More?” I nodded again, I pointed at my ribcage, my spine and my brain. He looked confused at the last one. I turned and pulled at the skin that was put there to cover the deformity. Wires crossed up the back of my neck, with plugs and a mini motherboard. He looked scared for a second, then reached out and touched the wires. I shivered, it was like touching raw nerve endings. He stepped back. “Why?” he asked. I looked at him, and then decided to give him the whole story, whether he understood me or not.

“In 2931, we were a technological society. Androids and Humans lived in harmony. There were people who couldn’t walk given cybernetic parts, people were achieving the singularity. I was married, my husband Keegan and daughter Amaya and I lived happily in a little suburb. I was 40 when Daemon, or as you know him as The Voice, took power. He was a man who achieved singularity. When he did he realized that Humanity was evil for enslaving the Androids. He felt that the Androids held more power, more knowledge as to what the Humans should be, that we should be slaves to them, not the other way around. I should tell you I never felt the Androids were our slaves, but co-workers in an existing society. The Humans knew we could no longer live without the help of the Androids, but we never thought of them as slaves. They were never given emotion, or want. They basically were programed to function to do a job, but that was it. At the end of the day they would sit down, and go into sleep mode. Wake up each day and do the job again. No one thought much of it until Daemon reached the singularity. The funny thing is, Daemon started to create Androids strictly to be his army. That is who we fight, a mindless set of drones that do exactly what Daemon says. It doesn’t make sense.” I paused for a second, and Takumi continued to listen intently. Maybe he was understanding what I was saying? I continued.

“For the next six years, the world was in crisis. Daemon’s Android army rose to power, destroying every human being, every family. My family was safe, Keegan taught Amaya and I how to shoot, to run, to fight. We knew that the Androids would come for us eventually. We heard rumors of rebels, people who had managed to escape. There was theories that doctors had survived, that some humans were being rebuilt into Hybrids. We prayed that one day we wouldn’t have to run, but we knew it would.” I paused for a second, thinking hard about what happened next.

“On the seventh year, things get harder for me to remember. It was the anniversary of the day Daemon reached the singularity. He had built a special wave of Androids for the occasion. For most of the six years, it was only a few hundred of them, but since it takes specific ways to destroy them, that at the time we didn’t know about. Suddenly, there were millions of them, spreading across the globe. That is when my family was hit. It didn’t even take two minutes. We saw them coming, and tried to duck away, but Keegan was caught first, even though he was shooting and fighting, I watched as an Android reached into his chest and ripped out his heart. They tossed him, like a candy wrapper. I heard all of his bones break on the forceful impact. Amaya panicked and ran towards him before I could grab her and stop her. I saw an Android grab her by her head, pulling so hard it ripped off. I remember shooting. It was a different time, we had real ammunition, not the energy blasters we have now. I ran out, so I threw the gun at one of their heads and ran. I ran until my feet bled.I remember turning around and seeing an entire army of Androids still behind me. I couldn’t run anymore, I collapsed. As the Androids approached, I stood up with a rock in hand, and started bashing each one of them in their metal skulls. One by one. I was soon overtaken, one ripped my arm off. The other punched a hole straight through me. My head was hit hard. I shouldn’t have lived, but suddenly shots were fired. They started falling one by one around me. I was bleeding, I don’t remember what happened. I remember waking up, feeling like it was a horrible nightmare. But I looked down and saw all the wires, I couldn’t move or scream. Sita was sitting next to me as Macaria was in the background tinkering with something. Sita had put her hand on my shoulder, the right one, the one that was left. She told me I was safe, that her husbands camp had stumbled upon me at the time that they saw me stand with the rock. They didn’t get there fast enough to completely save me, but I was a Hybrid now.” I paused, holding back the emotions I started to feel come on.

“I couldn’t really remember what happened, nor could I speak. After Macaria healed me to a point where I would have been able to walk again, I hugged her and Sita. I didn’t speak for almost a  year. I just followed suit, killed the Androids that came around, killed animals for food, protected the camp that saved me. The camp grew, as we found more and more humans still alive. We met up with Sebastian, saved him from a pack of Androids that were trying to get him down from a tree. Varien was already there when I got there. Zandra was born about 5 years before I got there. She’s been fighting since she was 10, if you can believe that. I learned that being Hybrid meant I couldn’t see the sun anymore, that I was now a child of the moon. My skin isn’t real human skin, its a rechargeable cell that is uses moonlight to charge. Kind of like solar energy, but the sun will bake us, so the moon is what we use. I still have human parts, my entire right side and both of my legs are human. Most of my skin is fake though. The motherboard in my head is upgrades, so I can detect the heightened heat signatures of the Androids, so I can gather my surroundings if I am in an unknown area, and more than the normal knowledge of on the front line medical stuff. I’m stronger than I was. I am able to communicate with most people. Except you, it seems.” I smiled at him. He looked at me, his eyes big.  Continuing, “I once decided I was going to take on The Voice on my own, going renegade from the camp. We were only a few miles away from The Voices headquarters, he moves frequently and we had stumbled into his territory on accident. The camp decided to only stay for the daylight, since we were exhausted and it was the rainy season. While everyone else was resting, my mind was ill at ease. I decided to go renegade from the camp, to take on The Voice. The Androids are more active during the day, since they can go without recharge. It’s a technology that we don’t know yet. I remember sneaking out, completely covered. I was stupid, not at least waiting until night, I could have at least blended in if I so felt like it, but I just wanted vengeance and blood for my family. It was surprisingly easy to take out all the lookouts, I was younger and quicker than though too. I was able to get in the gates, which is when I was met with about 50 or so Androids. It was the most I had ever taken on at a time. There was a knife slashing, cutting off limbs before turning around and jamming the knife in the back of the skull, where the motherboard lies. You’ll learn about that soon. I didn’t use a shotgun then, which wasn’t smart. I just had a rifle, which was an old timer with actual ammunition. I ran out before I got through the crowd. A lot of hacking, slashing and physical fighting occurred. I’m not quite sure how I managed to take out 50, I was so blind by my hatred that I just kept going. I was then greeted by another group of Androids, this group so big I couldn’t even tell what was happening.” I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I forgotten how bad this had affected me.

“They captured me instead of killing me. Daemon wanted to see what someone who infiltrated his lair looked like. Seeing him was terrifying. He looked like a human, just with lightning for eyes. Bald, thin. I had never seen anyone that had achieved singularity before, but if he was the end result I would have avoided it. His eyes, they zapped into me, reading my brain. He could tell I wasn’t a normal human. I don’t know if he knew that I hadn’t spoken in months, or that I had suffered. But he knew I was different. He grabbed my by the throat, lifting me off the ground. I couldn’t breathe. He tossed me, as if I was nothing but a loose hair. I don’t remember much after that. He never said anything. But suddenly smoke filled the room and I was being dragged out by someone or something. I still don’t know how I ended up back at the camp, who rescued me. But I know I started talking a week later when my throat healed. I apologized to everyone for everything. I thanked them for saving me twice. I talked and I talked. I talked about my family, about who I had lost, who I had gained. The thanks I gave, I never could give enough. I talked to Mica, who taught me how to shoot an energy shotgun. I talked to Redtail, who taught me to snipe. I learned how to be a better, stronger warrior. Even though my body is wrecked with age and battles now, I am have achieved so much more by being able to communicate with these people. Now I’m going to do that with you.” I pulled him up into my lap, cradling him like a small child. “I’m going to teach you how to speak to me. I’m going to teach you how to fight, to shoot, to take out these Androids. You’re going to learn how to live this life without being afraid, without me in case anything happens. I’m going to protect you, I’m going to teach you, and you’re going to be productive in a world without fear. Without Daemon and the Android army. You and the rest of the Humans will repopulate the Earth, the rest of us Hybrids will protect it. Thats why we’re here. We’re here to protect you.” I hugged him close as tears fell down my face.

“Sierra?” Takumi asked, his eyes big and looking up at me. “Thank you.”

My heart would have burst there if shock didn’t suddenly course through my system. I had overworked everything by telling this story, and I needed rest. Takumi quickly reacted, climbing off my lap and fixing my pillows, gently pushing me into a laying position.

“Soon. You teach me. We work.” He smiled. His English might be broken, but he is at least trying. The least I could do is try for him. Macaria walked in then, making a tsk noise at me.

“You should be resting. Takumi, go get food.” He opened his mouth like he wanted to protest,  but quickly shut it and scurried out the door. Macaria took my hand. “I heard all of that dear. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not even a little, to be honest.” I laughed, unsure how to proceed. “I’ve never let it all out before. I know he didn’t understand it, and I’ll probably never tell it again, but I feel better knowing that I said something rather than nothing.”

“I’m sure he appreciates it” she smiled, patting my hand. “I’m glad I overheard it. You really don’t know how you were rescued from The Voice?”

“Not that I recall. I was thrown pretty hard, if you remember my damages were pretty extreme. His looks are pretty deceiving.”

“You said he never spoke. How did you know it was The Voice?”

“I don’t, actually” I confessed. “Everything that was going on, when he looked in my head, I just knew. I think I gave it away that the Hybrids exist then. I hope I didn’t ruin us for everyone.”

“Don’t worry, it was close to 75 years ago. Technology has improved and changed. We’ve all beaten the odds by surviving this long. I hear he’s starting to play games with the Humans that are left though.” She looked sad. I was confused.

“Games? What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure. Remember how not long back there was that other camp we ran into, but decided not to meld because of the numbers being too great? They had people that were captured, not killed. I think The Voice is bored with ruling the world. I think thats why he wanted you alive. He called you a War Criminal Si.” She looked really worried. I tried to calm her down.

“I know. I don’t think I’m being tracked, and I can fight well when I’m healed. We’ll be fine. Lets focus on cleaning out that warehouse. My intuition is saying some bad blizzards are coming, and we don’t want a repeat of last year.”

She smiled. “You’re right. I’ll send Juan and Sita in here, since I think they should head up that team.” She exited the tent, leaving me alone for the first time in a long while. All I could think about is what is going to happen next, what am I going to do. Can I really care for Takumi? Why is our energy bond so great? I should have asked Macaria about that. The only noises around me were the noises of the machines I was hooked up to. It was deafening. I needed something, someone. I felt like I was missing something. I looked over and saw a pen and paper lying there. So I started writing. Nothing of interest, it all seemed nonsensical. Equations, words, letters on their own. Just a stream of consciousness wrapped up in a piece of paper. Energy equations, to create a better shotgun. New metals, ideas just flew through my fingertips. By the time Juan and Sita walked in, the notebook was half full.

I barely even noticed them coming in. I just kept writing, until Juan cleared his throat.

“What are you working on?” He asked, calmly.

“Nothing, I just needed to let loose.” I closed the notebook and put the pen on the table.

“Macaria said you had quite the breakthrough with Takumi. Feeling better?”

I sighed. Word spreads quicker than wildfire here. “I don’t think he understands what I said, nor do I understand why we’re so bonded. I’ve seen people be defrosted before without this bonding effect, why is he so different?”

Sita and Juan exchanged glances, then Sita replied. “We think its because you collapsed during his defrostation. You used your pure energy, what you were streaming straight through you, into him by powering the defrosting machine that way. That’s our only theory though.”

“You’re going to make a great mother though…” Juans voice trailed off, I must have been glaring at him. “..not that you weren’t already once! Look, let uh. Lets talk about that warehouse okay?”

I nodded. Juan and Sita always felt like a set of parents to me. “Yes, lets. The winter is going to get worse, both Macaria and I are feeling it. So did you guys scan it while I’ve been out? What do we have to work with?”

Juan looked at me. “Other than the barrel of pickles, nothing really. It will provide shelter and we can cover the windows, but we’ll have to designate areas for fires. There is a lot of mess in there that we will need to clean up. Varien said he might be able to get power going in there, so we can have some light. The main thing though is that it will probably be the best course of shelter we can work with.”

“Its not made of anything flammable right?” We had made that stupid mistake in the past. He laughed.

“No, we triple checked that count. That was a bad year. There isn’t any food in there though, and I worry we’re going to run out.” Sita put her hand on his arm. I shook my head.

“Don’t even worry about that. Varien and I will hunt, when I am well. Send him and Redtail out together for now. Zandra and I will plan as much as we can, I will probably have to go out and do a link up to an Android to find The Voice’s current location.”

Sita looked at me, her eyes big. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

I smiled at her. “Of course, but what else am I going to do? Wander the world until I hopefully stumble on him?

My batteries started to buzz, which Macaria came in from outside. I laughed “Are you eavesdropping?”

Giving me her overly fake innocent look, “No Sienna, of course not!” She moved some wires around, causing my spine to tingle. “Sorry, sorry. I’ll be done in a minute, don’t worry. You can talk about the warehouse some more. And you’re overly dangerous plan that I am thinking about joining you on so you have a mechanic.”

I shook my head at her. “Don’t even think about it, not even a little  bit. You are much too needed here to join us. Plus Cathan will kill me if I take you with.”

She sighed. “I know, but I like to pretend that maybe one day I’ll go on some crazy adventure with you guys. Even if I am an old lady already” I pulled my arm away from her.

“You’re not old!” she zapped me “Fine, you’re a little old. But you still have enough time for crazy adventures.”

Sita laughed “Oh the perils of being a mother. I like to think that Jannali and Rami will go out on crazy missions, but at the same time I’m glad they are medical.” She patted her belly. “Whoever little three is, will be a great warrior. Maybe I’ll leave them to you, Si” I stuck my tongue out at her.

“No more kids for me. Leave it for Takumi. He can have kids!” They laughed at me. Macaria finished whatever she was doing so that my batteries stopped buzzing and stepped outside. I looked back over at Juan and Sita.

“Okay guys, tell me I’m crazy and stupid and whatever, please get all parenting lectures done now so I can tell you ‘you’re not my real dad!’ and stomp off to my room and slam the door” I said with a smile.

They glanced at each other, than Juan started to speak. “Its not that we don’t agree with you. But we’re worried about what this will do to Takumi. He is young, untrained for war, and you’re taking him with to teach him English. Other than martial arts we don’t know his level of competence and he really is only just defrosted after over 900 years of being frozen. I understand that you trust him fully, but we still worry that you caring for him is going to end in your demise. Or his. You can leave him here, the camp as a whole can raise him, teach him English and to fight properly. He can be taught history and not be thrown into the depth of war, essentially only a few weeks after birth.” He paused for a second, taking a breath. Sita took over talking then.

“We’re also worried with such a small team. The Androids have been smarter since you infiltrated once before. There are more and more, their numbers can just keep growing. We can only repopulate at such a rate, but they can build each other and just be ready to go. The amount of Human and Hybrid camps dwindle, and while it would be great to have more of us, we know our survival is pretty thin now. We want you to look at the reality of the situation, to really think about what you are doing. Do you really think you can take down The Voice and all of the Androids with just the six of you? One who is completely untrained, can’t speak, doesn’t even know the history of the war? Can you really be ready for this?”

I shook my head. “We can never be ready for this. If we die in battle then that is the way to go. But I would rather die fighting than sit around waiting for it. We need to fight back, or at least try to. Macaria has told me that The Voice has started to play games with the surviving Humans. I don’t know what that means. Remember there used to be a time when dictators would watch in a colosseum as Humans fought to the death, or fought animals to the death? What if he is doing something like that? He’s bored with ruling the world. He wants something more. Who knows what he could do next, but I don’t want to find out. If you’re bringing another child into this world, they need to be free of the Android life. Even free of Hybrids, once the Androids are gone you won’t need us to protect you any longer.”

Juan started “Sienna, Hyrbids are more than…” but I cut him off.

“I know, we’re semi human, but our best roles are as soldiers. I don’t think there will be much purpose to us once he is gone. We cannot reproduce, so we’ll die off eventually. Our lives just are extended longer than yours. Over the years I’ve come to term with it, it was hard to even want to live without my family. Now I have you guys, and all I want to do is protect you. Protect the little one that isn’t born yet, and the millions of little ones that still haven’t been. It might be programmed into us, who knows.  But this is what we do. Let us protect you.”

Juan hugged me then, hard. “I know you are thinking in a good light, Sienna. I know what you want to do. Doing this thing, taking on the Android army with only 5 others, its suicide. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

I talked into his shoulder. “Its going to be scary, and if we die it is the way to go. We die with a good vision in mind…a world without Android control. We can only hope that our future generations do not get ideas to create another of The Voice. Hopefully our tales will live on, but we don’t know. We just don’t know.”

Sita put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you so sure life without The Voice is what we need?”

I pulled away with Juan, staring at her in disbelief. “Yes, I do. We’re hiding, we’re starving, we’re freezing, we’re dying. Because of The Voice. Because of Daemon and all that he did. Because he wanted all of this power.”

“But what if this was meant to happen Si? What if the Humans are supposed to die off, and Androids are to evolve?” She was staring at her hands. I know her beliefs are far different than my own, but I couldn’t imagine this.

“Are you giving up?” I asked her quietly.
“No, of course not. We’ll all go down fighting. But maybe the Androids are the ones who are meant to evolve now.” She got up and quietly left the tent. Juan sighed.

“She gets so weird when she is pregnant.”

“How far along is she?” She wasn’t showing, so it couldn’t be too far.

“Only a couple of months, we aren’t for sure yet. We need a Hybrid to charge the machine to read it. Varien said after he was done hunting he would be more than happy to charge the machine.” He must have noticed the look on my face. “You aren’t well enough to do it, and now you have a lot more riding on it. Stop giving me that look.”

I sighed, knowing nothing was going to change his mind. “Lets talk more about the warehouse. What kind of manpower? How long will it take?”

“If we all pitch in and do it we should be done in about a week. It is really just a lot of Human waste and dirt, we can just hope that the snow doesn’t hit too hard. That light snow when you went down is all we’ve had so far, but its been getting bitterly cold. Does Macaria have your winter wear in here?”

“I don’t think so. If you could bring it that would be great.”

“Of course.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both thinking about the different paths we’re about to take. When it got to be too much, I spoke up.

“Its going to be weird doing this without you, you know.”

He smiled. “It’s going to be weird not doing this with you. But I’m old, I have a kid on the way, and someone has to stay behind to protect the camp. You’ll be fine. You should rest though. I’ll come and talk to you when Macaria says you’re closer to being better. She says you still have a least a week.”

“Nice of her to tell me.” I said with a smirk.

“You know how she is.” He turned to walk out, waving. “Sleep well, moonshine.”

I laid down, realizing how tired all of the visits were making me. I didn’t feel like I was that injured after the fight, but as battered as I was, I must have been pulled at more than I realized before The Voice ended it. As I started to doze off, Varien walked in. He saw that I was just about to sleep though, so instead of talking, he kissed my head and patted my shoulder, leaving me be. Thankful, I drifted off into a deep sleep.

Things started off normal, we moved quickly and quietly under the brush. There were a lot  of small animals about, some that could have been worth eating. But starting a fire could really be a signal out to the Androids, and we didn’t want to draw any attention to ourselves. The Voice couldn’t have been far. Takumi fell in front of me, exhausted from the journey. I picked him up, tossing him on my back like a rag doll. We pushed forward, the moon shining brightly down on us. We made a sharp turn out of the trees into a clearing. There before us stood a factory, millions of lights lit up, Androids everywhere. Knowing that Takumi was exhausted, I pointed up in the trees to make camp. We would be useless if we’re collapsing in exhaustion before we even walked into The Kingdom of The Voice. Before I knew it, we were up in the trees, Takumi snoring on a thick branch. I tilted his head so his airways were more clear, making the snoring stop. I couldn’t risk his sleep giving us away. Looking around, everyone else was fast asleep as well. I started to make myself comfortable sitting up on a branch as a lookout when I heard an unfamiliar voice.


I looked around, seeing nothing. I readied my shotgun, spinning it quickly.

“No Sienna! Don’t shoot, its me!”

I whispered briskly, “Who is this?”

“It’s me! Don’t shoot! I’m here to help, remember?”

I stared into the dark, not seeing anyone or anything. “I don’t know who this is, how can I trust you?”

The voice sounded sad. “You don’t recognize me?” I couldn’t place the voice to any face I knew. It was husky but feminine. There was a touch of an accent, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Please Sienna. I want to help. Please let me help Sienna. Please let me help.”

I shook my head. “I’m coming down. Show yourself to me so that I may recognize you.” I had my shotgun ready for fire as I jumped down. I whipped my knife out as I landed, ready to attack at anything that came at me. Golden eyes, low to the ground, started walking towards me. A black panther appeared.

“Sienna.” The panther said. “How can you not recognize me? Why don’t you remember me?”
Something in my brain softened. “Reveal your true self.” Almost smiling, the air began to shimmer. Glistening, the panther shifted into a Human form. Smiling from ear to ear, Keegan stood before me.

“Remember me now?” His voice was still wrong. I took a step back.

“No. You’re dead. Your voice is wrong. You’re not him.” His smile faded.

“Of course I am.” He took a step forward, I took a step back. “Why are you afraid of me?”

“I watched you die. I watched as you died, and Amaya died, I watched what they did to you.”

“Amaya? She’s not dead. She’s here too. She wants her Mommy. Its been so long Sienna. They fixed us Sienna. We’re not dead. We’re here, and we miss you.” He edged closer, the air around him began to shift again. Keegan shrunk, his hair growing out into dark pigtails, emerging as Amaya, but with gold eyes. I felt frozen to the spot as my little girl stared at me.

“Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Why are you holding that gun Mommy? Mommy hug me, Mommy I miss you..” she was crying and talking so fast, her voice still didn’t sound right, nothing about this felt right, but it was my little girl. My knife and gun slipped out of my hands as I ran towards her, embracing her tightly. I wept, holding my daughter, hugging her so close I wanted to absorb her, all of her energy into me. A shot rang out, a searing pain through my chest as the world shifted again and Daemon stood above me, laughing. Just laughing maniacally as he walked over and took my shotgun, spinning it even though it was already charged.

“Nifty tool you got here miss. Better than the first gun you took to see me. You’re very revealing in your files, my War Criminal. Your family meant so much to you, even after all of this time, this is so silly. Such a human thing to fall for. So lets take care of your camp, shall we?” He fired five shots into the trees, and five bodies fell to the ground. He turned and faced me, as I bled out into the snow covered ground, still feeling the moon charging me even though I felt my signals getting weaker. “Don’t try to fight this one miss, you’re done.”

I started to talk “They’ll find you…they’ll take you down.”

He laughed. “Oh, that’s quite enough of that now.” He pointed the shotgun at my head.


I am surrounded by cherry blossoms, falling around me. The sun is out, shining brightly around me without burning me. I reach out and catch one, inhaling deeply. My skin is a normal Human color, actually a deep tan. There are no heat sensors in my head going off. I don’t feel like I have to be in battle mode. I see Takumi, catching flowers with two people that could only be his parents. I see Zandra, her red hair swirling around her head as she floated in the sky. Varien was also of normal colors, no longer the pale skin with dark hair. Sebastian sits in a tree, eating an apple. I turn around, seeing Keegan and Amaya. I hug them tightly, feeling Human again. I feel no pain or fear. I see Cathan and Macaria pulling Zandra from the sky, while Juan and Sita hold their three children close. Other members of the camp come wandering in, holding hands with others as we sit in peace while the cherry blossoms swirl around us.

Suddenly the world shifts. The cherry blossoms fall to the ground, decaying quickly. The sky turns green, swirling into a vortex as evil laughter comes from the hole. Androids fall into the world, standing at attention. The laughing ceases, with only the order “Kill Them All” being said. I pull Keegan and Amaya into a run as fire lights at our feet. We run, shots fired all around our head and fire surrounding us. Turning around I see Takumi and his family being taken out, Sita dropping the baby as a shot goes through her head. Sebastian falls from the tree. Varien dives in front of Jannali to save her, but as he takes a few of the shots a few hit her as well. I watch as Keegan and Amaya are taken away from me yet again. I am the last woman standing.

Shots are fired, but they all stop in front of me. I am surrounded by a bubble like shield, nothing penetrating it. The Androids come forward, scratching, pawing, punching the shield but nothing happens. The Voice calls out “We’re still going to kill you, Sienna. No one will be left.”

The world melts again. This time I’m surrounded by nothing but black. A man stands in front of me. His hair is white, his skin is dark, his eyes are a brilliant light purple. His arms a tattooed in a blue pattern, which look like circuits. He has a very suave stance to him. I’m back to my normal form, with pale skin and black hair. I felt like I love this man, and I don’t know who he is. I walked up to him and embraced him, while he kissed me deeply. We pulled back, and he whispered to me, “Lets make this world burn.” Fire erupted, surrounding us. Our hair flew up, being kissed by the flames but never burning. Shadows of souls whip through the flames. He holds me close for a few seconds, when he lets go I fall into a tunnel of darkness, feeling like it will never end. I fall and fall, I even stop screaming to wonder if I will ever hit bottom. I can still see him watching me from above. A sudden blast of light puts him out of my mind, and I land hard on dirt.

In front of me Takumi stands, his hand out to help me up. He smiles, and says my name. Pulling me to my feet, he embraces me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I kiss the top of his head. I look around, realizing we’re in the real world. I look down at him.

“Where are we?” I ask him. His eyes widen.

“Home, Sienna. Where else would we be?”

I woke up with a jolt. I touch my head, wondering what could have possibly done that to my dreams. I look down at my arms and realize that Macaria has taken out the IV and all of the wiring. She walked into the tent, eyes filled with worry.

“Oh thank all that is good!” she rushed over, embracing me tightly. “You haven’t woken up in over a day, I was worried I overshocked your system when I unplugged everything.” She looked at me dead in the eyes. “What’s wrong? What’s happening? Are you feeling okay?”

I touched my head again. “I’m fine, I just had a very long messed up set of dreams while I was under. I was really out for a whole day?”

She bowed her head. “It might have been longer. I don’t know when you fell asleep. But right after Varien left the tent I pulled out the IV and the wires. You convulsed, I thought I might have killed you. But you were still breathing and your vitals were okay. Cathan and I have been taking turns watching you to make sure nothing else happened.”

“Did Varien come in after I was asleep? I saw him when I was dozing off.”

“No, I think that was when. You fell asleep pretty quickly dear. All of this is taking its toll on you. I don’t feel ready to let you out on your feet yet.”

Sudden worry shot through me. “Where’s Takumi?”

Macaria smiled. “He’s fine, he’s been working with Cathan in medical practice. He’s quite the healer. I think he wants to be able to help you. When he’s in here he is always tinkering with the metals and wires. He still doesn’t speak much though.” She paused. “Will you stay awake for a few minutes? Juan wanted me to let him know when you woke up, and I want to let Cathan and Takumi know you’re awake as well.” Before I could answer, she scooted out of the tent. I wanted to let her know I was in no rush to sleep again, with the dreams acting the way they were, but I was suddenly feeling very tired again. I struggled to keep my eyes open, wanting to see my extended family. But the pressure on my eyelids won, and I collapsed back onto the table.


“Oh no.”


“No, no, no!”


“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”

A jolt. My eyes fly open. Jannali stares down at me, while it looks like Macaria has an automobile battery strapped to my chest. Macaria collapsed into a chair, sighing in relief.

I sat up. “What happened?”
Jannali stared at me “You died.”

I tilted my head. “I what?”

Macaria sighed. “You died. I don’t know what is going on with your system Sienna, but we’re going to have to operate on you. Give you a whole new system overhaul. I think under the amount of damage that you have done to yourself over the past few months that you’ve completely messed up your system. Takumi has been quite helpful as well.”

“Takumi?” He appeared behind Macaria. He pointed at something in the corner. I didn’t have great eyesight yet, but I squinted and saw a skeleton made completely of wires. “Did he build that?”

Macaria smiled. “Yes, and it’s fully functional by solar charge. Not sun, moon, but he’s working on a skin type that might make you functional during the day as well.”

“I will save you, Sienna. You save me, I will do that for you.” His English was broken, but it was obvious he is picking it up.

“You’re a genius, aren’t you?” I was starting to think maybe he would be better off to stay here. Macaria must have noticed.

“He’s still going with you. He won’t stop talking about you. I don’t think he would feel comfortable staying around here if you weren’t here.” I sighed, slightly relieved.

“So how are we doing this?”

“I’ll put you under, and then I’m not going to tell you until after you heal up what we are actually going to do.” She said with a smirk. I gave her a confused look, and she laughed. “I know you. You will panic and freak out and won’t allow me to do it. Don’t worry. Trust the three of us. You’ll be fine. I am going to send in Juan to talk to you before we do this though, since some developments with the warehouse have happened. He wants your opinion before continuing on.”

I nodded. “Okay. Am I going to be able to stay alive long enough?” She laughed at me.

“Yes, the car battery that is strapped to your chest will keep you up and running for a few hours. I’ll go get Juan.  Jannali, come with me please.” She hopped down off the chair she was standing over me on, quietly following her without argument. Takumi came and sat next to me.

“I fix you. You better.” He patted my hand. I kissed the top of his head.

“Such a sweet boy” I murmured. “You’ll be fine in no time.”

Macaria walked back in, followed by Juan. He smiled “I’ve been told I shouldn’t hug you just yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that later, after the surgery. Hello Takumi!” Takumi smiled and waved. Juan took the chair on the opposite side of Takumi, patting my other hand. “How are you feeling?”

I yawned. “I’m tired. I guess everything short circuiting is making me exhausted.” He pet my hair.

“I know, its okay. So do you want an update on the warehouse?”

I nodded slightly. “Yes, of course. What is happening?”

“No more food was found, but we found a few more boxes of batteries. Macaria has those, along with that car battery attached to your chest. Do you remember automobiles? I wish we could still drive them. Curse those things being so easy to pick up by Android technology. All of the walking would be cut down by so much.” I laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go off topic. Now the bad news is that the waste is much more than we thought, and we’re running further behind than we thought. Everyone is pitching in, including Takumi there. He’s a quick worker that one. He even found a pendant, didn’t you?” Takumi nodded. He held up a necklace with a purple jeweled crystal on the end. On the end of the crystal there was small white pearl droplets.

“Mother.” He said looking sad. I looked at him closely.

“This was your mothers?” He nodded. A pang of jealousy went through me, realizing that I wasn’t his real mother, then hated myself for that. Of course I wasn’t. The boy is 19, he must have remembered his real mother, and her necklace. I patted his head.

“So what do we have to worry about? I know the cold is coming, I can feel it. Plus my blanket layers seem to be growing every time I wake up” I said with a wink to Macaria.

Juan laughed “Well, theres that. We also need to worry about our food supplies. We’re starting to hit a dangerous low spot, and this area doesn’t seem great in the way of plantlife or animal life. I think I’m going to have to send Varien and Zandra on a scavenge. That will take away some of our manpower and down two fighters. We’ll be in a vulnerable spot, especially with you going under the knife. I think Takumi will be a great asset, but he still hasn’t taken on an Android.”

I thought about this, pausing. “How long do you think Zandra and Varien will be gone?”

“A few days, at least. Depends on what they find. We have a pretty big food bill for this camp, to fall a couple of deer would be ideal, along with plants. We can only chew tree bark for so long.”

I twirled my hair. “How is the water supply?”

“We can make it through the winter, although just barely. I would probably send a barrel with them.” Juan looked sheepish, like this was his fault. I patted his shoulder reassuringly.

“Do it. There’s no way that we can starve this camp, and the winter is going to be a harsh one. I don’t want to even think about it. Takumi can fight if we’re attacked. But lets double time on the clean up of the warehouse, just in case. That place would be a great fortress, and I would feel better knowing you all were in there.”

Juan nodded. “I know that you never wanted to lead this camp, that you left that for me, but I really do value your input on it.”

“I know.” I said with a smile. “I have no intention on leading this camp, but if it’ll ease your mind I am more than happy to help. How soon do you plan on sending out those two?”

“As soon as I can. I’m going to take Takumi with me on guard duty, so maybe he can get the rounds. You okay with that?” Takumi nodded. I think he’s learning to understand us more and more each day, which is exciting. Training him might not be as difficult as I thought. “Hey Mac, how soon is it until Sienna goes under the knife?”

“She’s going under as soon as you leave. Takumi, Jannali and myself are doing the procedure. So you can’t take him just yet” she said with a playful smack to his shoulder.

{December 31, 2012}   Run With The Moon Part One

RunWithTheMoonCoverSo I had written for some of NaNoWriMo…but life had gotten in the way and I did not complete. I will continue writing this story, but I want to share with you what I wrote so far. I fully intend on going back and editing and expanding more..the problem that I had with NaNoWriMo is I felt rushed. But at the same time, I kind of needed the push. Hoping that the push happens again that I can continue writing this, as I am not done expanding on Sienna’s universe. I just have been swamped and not feeling super creative these days. Force me to be creative! So please enjoy the first half that I wrote of Run With The Moon. If you critique please be polite! 

My ears perk at the sound of cannon fire in the distance. You would think after 75 years of hearing it I would be used to it, but you can’t be too careful on a scouting mission. Upon forcing my way in, I quickly realized that this was used before I had arrived, most likely as a toilet. Pulling on my mask, I toed around the entrance, looking for any living forms. One of the benefits of being a Hybrid is having the AI doing scans while I walk. There is no heat detected outside of myself, sending a shiver down my spine. An abandoned warehouse is one thing, but when you know Humans were staying in it makes you realize they are all dead. Coming upon bodies doesn’t get any easier as you get older. Pulling my jacket in tighter and raising my gun a little higher, I proceeded to push forward. The smell of fecal matter and urine gets stronger deeper in. A gust of wind through the broken windows blow my hair into something sticky on the wall. Quickly pulling it out, I stare at the damage. No longer is it just black, there is now something red and squirming. Stifling a scream, I quickly shake off the bloodied maggots off, wishing there was time for a shower or ten. Stumbling backwards, I tripped over a box and land on something colder than I am.

Turning over I see a young Asian boy lying there, his body surrounded in ice. I bash my gun against it, trying to break through the brick, but its just too thick. I look around the warehouse for anything that could defrost him. Checking my batteries, I didn’t have much time left. I had to find batteries before I could help him. Being a lower class hybrid does have its downfalls. While I don’t need the batteries to survive, I do have a severe drop in energy, making me an easy target for the Androids and The Voice.

Another canon fires. This time its slightly closer. I peer out of one of the broken windows, seeing heat signatures rising. Not much time. The moon beats down, full tonight. I suck in as much energy as I can before running through the warehouse, searching every nook and cranny for batteries, food and water. Not that I want to trust food from a place that I am pretty positive was just a giant latrine, when you’re hungry you eat what you can find. Deep in the building I find a box of batteries, who knows if they are used or not, but I stick them in my pack. I also find dried fruits and a half full canteen, although from the smell of it that was not water in there. Zipping my pack closed with my meager findings I go to the frozen Asian boy. My batteries beep, only 10 minutes remaining. I whistle, two low notes and one high, signalling my two partners to come in. Zandra and Varien slip in, whistling the same notes back.

“Come here” I hiss to them. “I need you to help me move this” Zandra appears first, her red hair flipping with the bursts of cold air. Varien not long behind, his green eyes gleaming.

“Please tell me its food” he says quietly.

“Not quite. Unless we’re resorting to cannibalism these days.” I reply. “I found some dried fruit and a canteen half filled with wine, but thats about it. I found this guy too” I motion towards the Asian kid. “We need to get him back and defrost him.”

“Thats another mouth to feed, Sienna. How are we going to do that?” Zandra speaks a little louder than I had hoped. “I know, we need to save the world, but this is a kid.”

“I know, but he should be defrosted. What if he can help us? What if he is better at finding the food? We don’t know who he is. He could save us for all we know!” I am really quite stubborn when it comes down to it. We’ve been working together for the past 75 years, they knew if I wanted something done it will get done. Rather than fighting with me about it, they help me lift the heavy ice block. My batteries beep again. Only five minutes remaining.

“Sienna” Varien sighed “When was the last time you changed those?” He’s a Hybrid too. He was created at a different time than I, so he doesn’t need the batteries like I do. I stick my tongue out at him. “Don’t even start. You’re getting older. Your dependence on batteries is going to be greater. Are you stockpiling? Are you ready for when the Human side of you completely gives out?”

“When that happens, kill me before I become one of them” I spit venomously. It is a fear among the Hybrids that once the human side dies off that we become one of the Androids. I have never actually seen it happen, but the Human body does decay at a greater rate than the AI system. I could only imagine that we would become Zombies or a complete Android. We make it a point in our camp to take out the AI of any hybrid that dies and burn it before anything could possibly happen. The horror stories we have heard keep us safe from that danger.

Zandra grunts under the weight of the ice block. She is one of the few Humans left, and our talk makes her uncomfortable. While the average age of death for a Human is close to 300 years old, she knows she will die long before the Hybrids do. To be a pure Human is rare, and they tend to revolt against the Hybrids as well as the Androids. Zandra is different. She was born in our camp, with two Human parents who helped repair us Hybrids. Her parents are after her to find another Human to mate with to keep the Human race going. She hasn’t been thrilled with the thought of reproduction, not that I blame her. Hybrids are a different breed of Human, we don’t reproduce so much as save Humans lives by making them a Hybrid. We’ve been compared to vampires in the past, with our pale skin, dark hair and oddly colored eyes not helping the situation, but we don’t want to kill off the Humans. We want to keep them alive longer.

As we grunted along with the heavy Ice Boy, my batteries died out. Falling to my knees, I struggled to catch my breath as Varien and Zandra stopped. Varien opened my wrist up, checking my battery levels. Sighing, he pulled open my bag, finding the box of batteries.

“No.” I told him, putting my hand on his wrist. “There are people in the camp that need them more. I can survive without them. Just give me a minute.”

His eyes flashed. “You’re a bloody idiot. You might not need them to survive, but you want to bring this giant ice cube back we need you to be able to lift it. “ Forcefully grabbing my wrist, he pulled out the dead batteries to put in the new ones, throwing my whole system into shock. He knows better than this, but his anger won out. As trembled on the ground, my new batteries shocking my system back to life, Zandra scolding him for his violence.

“Stupid Droid!” she spat “She isn’t going to be any use laying on the ground in shock either! Go back to the camp and get Sebastian and Juan. They can help you move the Ice Boy while I carry her now useless ass back to the camp.” She sat next to me, stroking my hair. “You need to stop playing the hero little girl” she whispered. “He’s getting more and more frustrated every day with no actual shelter for us, and I am fearing what that will mean for the Hybrids batteries. No recharge means no protection for us. When you’re back online we’ll really scan that warehouse, maybe be able to make it liveable. This winter is going to get much worse.” Varien, Juan and Sebastian came running in then.

“Sienna…” Juan sighed “Zandra, can you help her out?” She nodded. My trembling was starting to cool down, but I still was unable to walk so she tossed me on her back. I’m not exactly lightweight, especially with the added weight of a shotgun, mask and day pack filled with supplies, but she managed it. Laying my head on her shoulder, I could hear her heart beating quickly. She was beginning to tire.

“Hey” I whispered. “Let me walk. We aren’t far” She shook her head. “There’s a full moon. I’m recharging quicker. The batteries are new. I’m fine.” I started wiggling so she was forced to drop me. Laughing, I ran. Not quickly, but I still ran, tearing off my coat and sweater to reveal the black shirt underneath, exposing my pale arms to the moon rays. Zandra stared at this burst of energy, laughing. She caught up to me, smacking me on the arm and handing me my clothes.

“Regardless of your recharging abilities, its cold. Put those on.” Half scolding, half laughing, she helped me into my sweater and jacket as the boys watched us from afar. I could see Varien’s eyes gleaming. I know he was regretful of his previous actions, but he’ll deal with that later. To shock a Hybrid could kill them. Suddenly my AI acted up, causing me to spike. Heat signatures appeared on my radar.

“Get down!” I yelled, grabbing Zandra and pushing her to the ground. Behind me, Varien is doing the same thing, dropping the Ice Boy as they hit the ground. Canon fire burst around us. Pushing Zandra, I whisper in her ear “Get out, run. Save the camp.” We were less than a mile off, with children in the area and Humans to protect. I scrambled over to Varien, motioning for Juan and Sebastian to go. Juan has a wife and kids, both him and Sebastian are full Humans. Juan nodded and ran, but Sebastian refused. Varien shoved him, yelling at him to go. While those two fought I began charging my shotgun, spinning it quickly. I’m still shaking from the shock, but I need to focus as the Androids began to charge up to our area. I fire a blast into one of their chests as I run into the depths of it, using my hip knife to take out limbs as I run through. Charging again, I fire another blast. I feel their hands grabbing at me, too warm to be Human or Hybrid. I cut quickly while spinning the shotgun to fire a few more blasts into the fray. In a distance, I must have run further than I realized, because I hear Varien shouting for me. I blast another shot into an Android chest before running towards his voice. Suddenly a cold hand grabs me from the side, before I can cut it off Sebastian grabs my wrist and stares deeply with his brown eyes.

“Ah ah girlie” he says with a smile “Varien is protecting the Ice Kid, you and I get to have some fun!” Sebastian is a sniper, his place is in the trees. Quickly navigating over to the edge of the clearing I toss him up into the trees before running forward into the slaughter. I feel whips of bullets flying past me as Android fall one by one. Shots are being fired in his direction. Androids keep grabbing at me, but I’m quicker with my knife. Not before long, a good 75 Androids lay dead at our feet. I spin the shotgun to deactivate it and slap it on my back, and stick my knife in its sheath before collapsing in a pile of Android limbs.

Thumping on my chest.




Weird smell…

“Sienna! Wake up Sienna!”

I open my eyes to see little Jannali sitting on my chest and bouncing. “Her eyes are open! Macaria! Her eyes are open!” She climbed down off of me, causing me to flinch. I realize that I’m tingling, like my batteries had been shocked again.

“Did I go down?” I asked, raising my hand to my head. My skin was gone and it was just Android parts showing. I put it back down. Macaria walked over with a new skin glove.

“Yes, giving Sebastian quite the scare in his sniper scope. He thought he shot you!” Macaria smiled. “We thought you were just giving Redtail a hard time.” We call Sebastian ‘Redtail’ sometimes, since he’s a sniper he prefers the trees and the hunt. He likes it though. I shook my head.

“No, Varien had shocked my system and before I could really come fully together we were attacked in the clearing.” suddenly remembering, I looked at Macaria wide eyed. “The Asian boy? Was he brought back? Have they defrosted him?”

Macaria looked almost sad when she looked at me. “Not yet, Si. Husband thought Juan, you and Juan’s family should talk about that first.”

“Why does Cathan think that? What does Juans family have to do with it?” Cathan is a doctor like Macaria is for us Androids, but he mainly helps the Humans. He has a better understanding of anatomy, while Macaria is better with being an engineer. The skin glove she made me fits better than the one before. I realized what talking to the whole family meant. “Who is sick Macaria?”

She smiled sadly, “I’ll let you discuss it with Juan. Jannali, your mom and dad will be here soon, better wash up.” Jannali was young, but she took to engineering so quickly that Macaria couldn’t say no to her. She probably put parts in me while I was out. I’ve watched her work. She’ll be even more amazing when she’s older. Ramelan, Juan’s son, is just like Cathan, and a genius in the medical field. Its amazing to watch the two of them work. If they didn’t look like Juan and Sita mushed together in tiny form, I would have though they were Cathan and Macaria’s children. Luckily, their daughter is Zandra, and a fantastic warrior. We need fighters in our camp, along with the doctors. Zandra, Varien, Sebastian, Juan and myself are the main protectors, but our numbers are growing, with close to 50 members the five of us can’t hold off an army of Androids.

I checked all of my parts while Juan and his family filed in. Everything seemed to be functional, even if I was just a bit buzzy. They sat in front of me, like I was teaching a class.

“Whats with the formality?” We’ve known each other since before the kids were born, so its not like the behaviour made any sense.

“Its about the Ice Boy” said Sita. “We want to defrost him with you, but you need to train him.” I must have looked confused, because she rushed to continue. “Sienna, Juan isn’t doing so well.” I looked to my old friend. He looked tired, worn. He had to have been around 250 now. I can’t remember.

“Juan? What’s going on?” He looked at me with a smile.

“I’m old, Sienna.” he laughed. “I’m much older than you are. I’m either going to be made into a Hybrid or die soon, but in either case you’ll have to be the one to train the boy.”

“I have no idea how to do that.” He laughed at me.

“Thats okay. I’ll still be here. But my body grows weaker. Jannali and Ramelan need me to help them grow. I’ve got at least 50 years in me.” I hear a chuckle from behind as Cathan entered the room. His size filled up the small space, towering over us.

“He’s got more than 50, and if he’ll allow Mac to look at him he might have a few hundred” He slapped Juan on the back. “But you’re taking care of the Ice Boy” he pointed a finger at me. “You wanted a pet, now you got one.” He walked back out, with Ramelan following in close pursuit. Jannali bounded off to the side to play with more Hybrid parts. Sita and Juan looked at me seriously.

“Can you do this Sienna? Can you take care of the boy?” Sita asked, taking my hand. “We know how you feel about others, there isn’t many you trust. But we really do believe you can do this. You can take care of him, train him, make him a greater warrior than yourself. Juan did it with you, you can do it with the Boy in Ice.”

I nodded, slowly. Its hard enough for me to work regularly with Zandra and Varien, even though I have worked with them for 75 years, my trust is always guarded. Its both a blessing and a fault, since I work to not be harmed mentally or physically. But to take on another, to care for another, he looked young enough he could be my child, even if physically we looked nothing alike.

“I’ll do it” I whispered, barely able to speak. “But only if you’ll help me.”
Sita hugged me “Of course! You’re a young Hybrid, maybe he is too? We couldn’t find a date on his ice block. We don’t know who he is or how old he is.”

“It’s okay. We’ll play it by ear. Can we start the process?” I’m surprised by my eagerness. Nerves were flowing, as we walked into the center of the camp where the Ice Boy lie. I graps Sita’s hand. “What if he hates me?”

“He couldn’t hate you. Go help Juan with the machine.” The machine is a big blow dryer, essentially, that can melt a block of ice in minutes. He’ll be in shock for a few minutes, and we’ll keep his vitals checked. Most of the humans that we have are from Ice, humans who were able to freeze their bodies while their families hid them well enough until someone found them. Sometimes its people like us, others it is the Androids who murder them on the spot. To operate the machine, a Hybrid locks in their power supply (in this case, me) while another (could be Human or Hybrid) steadies the machine and watches the person in ice. Mainly to make sure we don’t roast them. Cathan will stand by with his gadgets of human medicine while Macaria stands by with any needed Hybrid supplies. My energy will flow into the machine, both from my batteries and what energy I have taken from the moon. Since I’m not at one hundred percent battery wise because of the shockwaves, I am mainly draining moon energy tonight. We’re still in a full phase, luckily, or this wouldn’t work.

“Ready?” Juan asks me, looking over. I pull off most of my clothes, leaving my bra and underwear on only, shivering with the cold. I’ll need to draw as much energy as I can tonight, even if that means freezing. I put the cables from the machine in my arm.

“As ready as I am ever going to be” I shivered.

Energy flew out of me quicker than I thought would happen. I dropped to my knees almost instantaneously, and the world started spinning. Macaria came over and pulled me back up, holding my non-connected arm up to draw directly from the moon. The pain was immense.

“Its done.” Macaria whispered in my ear “See, only a few minutes.” I must have looked at her like she was crazy because she laughed. “I suppose being in that much pain the seconds feel like hours.” As I blacked out for the second time, I saw Cathan kneeling in the pool of ice water, checking on the boy whose eyes were blinking.

Zapping feeling. I mumbled something.


Tingling. More mumbled. Eye forced open. Jannali staring at me.

“Sienna? Don’t wake up yet. We’re still fixing you.”

Major shock. I fall deep into dreams of Androids attacking the camp. I start losing the battle when the Ice Boy jumps in and rescues me. He uses a bow and arrow. My shotgun won’t charge when he puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles as an Android takes off his head in one fell swoop.

“No!” I scream and sit up straight. I look around. I’m in Macarias healing tent. I look for the Ice Boy, for any form of life. My heat signatures are still locked on Android heat, cautiously I move them down for Human and Hybrid form as well. I was alone in the tent, that was for sure. But lack of noise outside makes me wonder where everyone else is. I see small signatures around, but nothing stating anything alive. Panicked, I climb off my bed, quickly realizing I have no clothing on at all. What happened? Is Ice Boy a mass murderer? Was he an Android that was placed to kill us all? I shook that off. As far as we knew Androids cannot handle the cold like the Hybrids and Humans can, so there was no way Ice Boy could be a frozen Android.

Throwing on the first set of clothing I can find, I walk outside. Realizing it was daylight meaning the ground was heated, I wouldn’t be able to use my heat signatures for anything. I switched back to regular eyesight. The sight was a deserted camp. No forms of life, no fires, not even smoke to say there was one burning recently. I poke my head in one of the resident tents. No one home. It didn’t look abandoned though, there was clothing and bedding still there. I checked the ground for signs of struggle, but it just look like they just walked away if they did really leave. The sun burned my skin, I realized the clothing I am wearing is very thin. I borrowed one of the families long coats and hat. Being a Hybrid means we can’t handle sunlight at all. I searched to see if I could find any sunglasses, but no luck. Walking back outside, more protected, I looked around. No snow made things more difficult to track, along with the sun not being on my side made my struggle worse. I sniffed the air, hoping to find a scent of someone. Wait. That was a weird smell. Pickles? Pickles were a rare thing. It was a very old way of eating cucumbers. I followed the scent behind one of the resident tents. There, I found a small stuffed kitten with a pirate hat on. I sniffed it, it was not where the scent was coming from, but it was cute so I put it in my pocket. I continued to follow the scent. I followed it into the clearing where I had fought what seemed like decades ago, but was really only a few days. The Android parts still lay there, but I found footprints that didn’t match any of us that were there that night leading into the warehouse where I had discovered Ice Boy. I hear a crash inside. Instinctively I reach for my shotgun…which wasn’t attached to my back. Swearing at my mistake of not grabbing any weapons I continued to creep to the windows. Peering inside I see Ice Boy throwing things and kicking the piles of fecal matter. Entranced, I watch him destroy everything he touches. I hear him cursing in a language I don’t understand. Most languages disappeared when the Androids turned. This had to be old. I was so involved in watching him I didn’t hear anyone come up, when the hand touch my shoulder I grabbed the wrist and shoved as hard as I could into the chest.

“Woah, Sienna!” Varien barely had avoided my hit to the chest. I sighed in relief. Everyone wasn’t dead. “Calm down. What has you so worked up?”

“How long have I been out Varien? Where is everyone? Why were my clothes gone? Why are you out while the sun is up? You look awful.” I couldn’t stop talking. He laughed at me.

“You were out for about a week. We think your boy is still in shock, so we’ve all been monitoring him from above. His language is old, none of us understand it. He knows some of the English we speak though. His old accent is heavy, but we think he’s asking about his parents. We brought him back to the we thought maybe showing him where we found him would be the best way to maybe help him communicate with us. That obviously wasn’t the case.” He motioned towards the window. “He’s been at this for two days now. None of us bear to leave him, in case he does something stupid or will eventually reveal himself to one of us. Macaria was getting ready to wake you, maybe since it was your energy to wake him you could communicate with him. He’s a little addicting to watch though.”

“But, what is that smell?” He laughed at me again. I hate that he laughs at me so much while I’m so confused. I feel my anger rising but know that this is just his humor. I take a deep breath.

“Slow down killer.” Smirking at me. Again. “He kicked a barrel in there. It turns out it was filled with a thousand year old pickles, which surprisingly taste good. We’ve been eating them for the two days we’ve been here.”

“You’re eating something that is probably over a thousand years old?” I stare at him in disbelief. If you think I have trust issues, this man in front of me was ten times worse. Especially when it came to food. He always thought someone was going to poison his food, so no one is ever allowed to touch his food. To think that he is eating something from the old days, especially something found in a factory filled with feces was beyond amazing.

“Don’t judge me princess. I’m hungry. Our food rations are low and I didn’t scan anything bad. No bad reactions in two days. I’ll eat pickles if I so feel like it.”
I laughed, and turned back to look at Ice Boy destroying the inside of the warehouse. He spin kicked a railing pole to the stairs, knocking it straight out. “Woah” I whispered. “Can we actually have a warrior on our hands?”

“Only if you can tame that stallion dollface.” He slapped my shoulder hard. “Get in there. Talk to him. Think you can translate?”

“No, I don’t understand what he is saying right now. He could be cursing us, or he could be saying he’s an Android. I don’t have a clue.”

Varien stared thoughtfully at nothing. “Do we have any software that can translate?”

“Not unless Macaria has been hiding any on us, I don’t think so. Who is the oldest now?”

“It’s Juan, he doesn’t know the dialect at all either. I wonder if he is older than all of us.” Varien was the second oldest next to Juan then. He is the oldest Hybrid I currently know. The others I had fought alongside with had all perished in the previous harsh winter. Our numbers had dwindled last year. We really needed this warehouse, which meant stopping Ice Boy from destroying it.

I looked over at him. “Looks like I get to play mommy. Here goes nothing.”

I crept into the warehouse slowly. I felt everyone eyes on me as I approached the Ice Boy. As he raised his hand to punch something, I grabbed his arm. He looked at me wildly and swung his other arm at me. I caught it, but just in time for him to push both of his feet into my chest and kick me hard. He stood in a pose that I recognized as a very old form of martial arts, ready for me to attack again. I raised my hands as if to say there was nothing going to harm him. He continued in that stance, yelling at me something in the old language. I sighed, shaking my head.

“Any ideas?” I yelled behind me. No response. ‘Thanks guys’ I thought to myself. I stepped forward, causing him to step back. Thinking maybe he thought I was a threat, I took off the coat and hat, leaving me in a thin shirt and shorts. He laughed at the sight, probably because I felt like I was burning alive.

“Kyuketsuki!” He laughed. “Anata wa subete no kyuketsuki aru!” I stared blankly at him. This was not a language I was taught. Chinese and English were the two most common languages, along with general coding languages, but this was foreign to us. He stared at me. “You say, vampire.”

I was taken aback. Can he understand us? “English?” I asked.

He thought for a second. “Little.”

I pointed at him.”Name?”


I pointed to myself “Sienna” He looked confused. I tried again. “My name Sienna”

“I see you in dream. You wake me from dream.” He walked over and poked my shoulder. “Real.”

“Yes, I am real. Who are you? Why are you in ice?” I tried to keep the words as small as possible, which he seemed to understand what I was saying, but he didn’t answer in English.

“Watashi no ryōshin wa yūfukudattashi, karera wa watashi ga ikinokoru tame ni shitakatta. Kōgeki wa sekai o hikitsugu taka~tsu robotto ni yotte, arimashita. Karera wa tada, sorera o sakusei shita hito-tachi no mono o kōgeki shi tsudzuketa. Watashitachiha, sorera o sakusei shi, karera wa, karera ga yatta tsukuru tame ni watashitachi o korosu tame ni nozonde ita. Karera wa wareware ga nozonde ita subete wa, wareware ga sakusei shita sekai de tasuke atta koto o rikai shite inakatta. Ryōshin wa watashi ga ikinokoru tame ni shitakatta. Karera wa totemo nagaiai, wareware wa karera ga kore made ni teishi suru ka dō ka shirimasendeshita tame ni kōgeki sa rete ita. Robotto wa kore made ni yamete shimatta nodeshou? Karera wa kore made kōgeki o teishi shimashita ka?”

“Hold on!” I put up my hands again, trying to convey surrender to him. “I don’t know what you are speaking. What language?”

I racked my brain for Japanese. I heard someone yell from above “They were wiped out in 2050. This guy is old!” I stared at him wide eyed. Its been 963 years that he has been frozen.

“You’ve been frozen for 963 years? You’re at least 963 years old, how old were you when you were frozen?” He stared at me blankly. “Age?” I asked.

“Juukyuusai … um … 19 years old”

I didn’t know how to tell him. “Well, now you’re about 982 years old.” Blunt seemed to be the way to go. He continued to stare at me.

“Okay, we have to teach you English. You, Takumi. Me, Sienna. Me teacher. Yes?” He nodded. “You follow me. No more fight. Yes?” He nodded again. I put on my coat and hat and took grabbed his shoulder, leading him out the door. I heard the others of the camp start to follow me out. Cathan caught up to me, whispering to me.

“He’s human, nothing we could find that would hint otherwise. His vitals were good, although other than a few pickles he hasn’t eaten. This is the most he’s spoken. You’re going to be a great mom.”

I realized then, all of a sudden, he was only 19 years old in his head, which in theory could make me his mother. Or grandmother. Or great grandmother. Being 122 years old, I’ve been around longer than him by a long shot. Then, in true mother fashion, I decided he needed to eat something then a thousand year old pickle.

“You. Food.” I state in my caveman talk. He shakes his head. “Yes.”

“Sick” he said.

“Because you ate pickles that are who knows how old. We’ll get meat and vegetables that are fresh in you.”

“No!” He shouted, turning at me. “Sick!” He pointed at his rear end. Suddenly I understood.

“Vegetables.” I nodded at him. “Water. Vegetables. Yes.” He pouted at me, but I continued to push him to the camp. There I gave him fresh water and some of the wild mushrooms we had picked. I tried to sneak in some dried fruits but he looked at them with disgust.

He ate quickly, quietly, without mess. When he was finished he handed me his plate, and walked to the area where we defrosted him. He laid down in the exact spot where he was frozen, closed his eyes, and went to sleep. I checked his pulse, but he was alive. Cathan checked his vitals and he was fine.

“What do you think?” I asked Cathan. He just shrugged. Ramelan popped up from behind him.

“He’s probably depressed.” He said.

“What makes you think that?” I tilted my head with the question. While I was Human, I’m not anymore. I don’t quite understand all emotions anymore. It is a side effect of becoming a Hybrid.

“Well, think about it. He’s been frozen for 963 years. His friends, his family, maybe he had a normal life, all of that has to be gone by now. He’s only 19, thats only a few years older than I am. I couldn’t imagine life without you in it. I don’t even want to think of a life without my parents or Jannali. Can you imagine what life would be like if everything was ripped away from you?” He realized what he had said, quickly retracting “Thats not what I meant Si, you have to know that.”

“No, I know” I must have looked sad because Cathan put his arm around me. Life before becoming a Hybrid was much different, but I tried not to think about it. I had a family once, a husband and a daughter. The Androids ripped them away from me, almost taking my life with them. I was discovered by Juan and Macaria, who were just happening to stumble into my town in search of rescue. They rescued me instead, but since I’ve never quite recovered. It was my place of reservation against becoming Takumi’s mother figure, and getting close with others. Being one of a sad story gave me strength to take down the Androids and the demon behind the voice, but I know others that it would have broken them. I wondered if Takumi was broken because of what happened. I longed to know the language he spoke, because I wanted to connect with him. I wanted to know what happened. Straightening my back, I asked Cathan if he knew where we could find a translator, or a way we could teach Takumi to speak English like us, or I could learn Japanese like him.

“There probably isn’t such a thing anymore. He is about 982 years old. I don’t think anything like that exists unless you want to hack into the Android system” I must have given him a look, because he continued “Don’t, Sienna. It’s not worth it. Just teach the very very old fashioned way of caveman style with signals and movement. We will work through this together.”

I shook my head. “He’s going to be my adopted child, there is no way I am making you take care of him as well. Zandra is your child and your problem, Takumi will be mine. I’ll figure out a way to communicate fluently with him, even if that means hacking the Android system.”

Cathan stopped me there. “You will not hack the system, Sienna. You will not only endanger yourself, but you endanger this camp. Think of everyone here. We can’t take anymore loss. You know this as well as I do.” I hung my head. He was right, of course but I really didn’t want to accept it. To hack the Android system was suicide, and I would kill not only myself but everyone around me. I would see the Voice again, the Voice who eventually had a face, the face only I saw. I still refer to him as only the Voice, because I didn’t want to accept him for being real. For the Android that murdered the human race. Who created us Hybrids who are stuck between life and death, heaven and hell.

I was angry.

“I need to get out of here.” I turned on my heel, went into my tent and changed back into my clothes. I strapped my shotgun to my back, my knife to my hip and my pistol in my boot. I walked back out to Cathan and Ramelan staring at me. “I need to think. I’ll take out some Androids in my wake. If he wakes up, make him drink more water. He isn’t well.” I headed back towards the warehouse, but I didn’t stop there. I kept walking deeper into the forest. The heat signature warning jumped in my signals. Androids were around.

I charged my shotgun, spinning it as fast as I could. I switched to eyesight to see the metal walkers. These guys weren’t hunting, they were camping. ‘Good’ I thought to myself. ‘Now they will know what it feels like.’ Suddenly wishing I had Redtail with me to be my eyes above, I crept towards the camp. I readied my knife to take out the lookouts. I scanned above for heat signatures and read nothing. I was ready for the first lookout, taking him out with a quick knife into his skull. Searching his body, I found a grenade. ‘Almost too perfect’ pulling off the grenade. His other weapons are useless to me, I refuse to touch their technology. The second lookout was coming, and I didn’t want him to notice the first one down, so I took him down quickly. Nothing of use on him. Before any other Androids could come along, I took the grenade, pulled the pin and threw it as hard as I could to the opposite side of the camp. As it exploded, I watched the Androids pull on their skins as quickly as they could. Creeping behind them as they rushed towards the explosion, I took out three from behind, stabbing them in their motherboard skulls. It wasn’t long before I was noticed, and shots went flying. I didn’t fully grasp how many were around me as everything happened so fast, a shot here, a stab there, a grabbing hand, a slice. I threw kicks and cuts as deeply as I could while the lot barreled down on me. Gasping for air as I fought as hard as I could, the number were just too great. One grabbed my ankle, pulling me down. I fired a shot straight into the air, hoping a clearing would happen, but they came down so quickly it was like it was never even fired. Their hands grabbed at my limbs, pulling and tugging. ‘I am done. I just killed myself and Takumi.’ I thought.


The Voice. Everything froze, including myself. I felt my wires freeze in terror. I did a quick scan to know I was not as harmed as I thought I was. I feared what was to come next. The Androids then stood straight, awaiting the next orders.

“By scan, I am aware this is the war criminal known only as Sienna. She is wanted alive in my presence. Bring her to me alive and well, full of her parts. I want to scan her personally.”

‘Scan me personally?’ I thought ‘War criminal? What?’ So much of what just said didn’t make any sense at all.

The Androids seized me, holding all of my limbs, holding my shotgun, taking my knife and pistol. I was helpless in a sea of Androids with no one knowing where I was. I was ready to give up when I hear a shot fired in the distance. I hear an Android fall. Another shot, another fallen Android. One by one they start falling, until I hear a yell.

“Get down Sienna!” Instinctively, I curl into a ball, wrenching away from the Androids who seem to emote surprise. I drop hard onto the ground, where bodies fly over me. I see a machete swing and an Android head fall in front of me. I see my shotgun drop, which I instinctively grab and hug to my chest. My knife, my pistol, all fall in front of me. I hug them all, unable to correct myself to help the ones who saved me. Blasts heard all around me. The Androids, silently falling around me even though we scream as we fight. The Androids are just silent as they fall. They are silent as they take orders. They are silent as they are doing as they are told. They are The Voice’s soldiers, and nothing more. They aren’t given enough thought to process even further than that. It seemed poetic that the snow began to fall then, as silent as the Androids, who didn’t fight back because The Voice never told them to. They just died, still as stone, as the Humans and Hybrids came to rescue the War Criminal known as Sienna.
I didn’t know what to do, or how to react. I just lay there, hugging my weapons, hoping that someone would eventually wake me from the nightmare I have been living for the past 75 years.

Suddenly all movement stopped. I felt nothing in the air move except for the snow falling softly to the ground. I hear crunching over my head, and a shake on my shoulder. A strong, unfamiliar accent shakes me and says “Sienna?”

I began crying. There are no words to describe the rush of emotions I felt as that young Asian boy named Takumi shook me and said my name. I pulled him close to me, hugging him harder than I ever hugged anything since I became a Hybrid. This is what I needed. I needed him. I needed this life.

I don’t think the kid knew how to react to this Hybrid holding onto him so tightly. I haven’t had true emotions in the 75 years I had been Hybrid. This was my first real human emotion in so long, and I didn’t know what to do either. We were soon surrounded by the others of the camp, Zandra eventually pulling us apart, Varien taking my weapons. Sebastian picked me up, cradling me lightly as they took me back to the camp where Macaria put a needle in my human side, putting me to sleep.

I awoke a few days later, with Takumi holding my hand and asleep by the bedside. Jannali looked over from her workbench and smiled.

“You’re awake! We thought we were going to lose you. You really broke down back there.” She came over and checked my vitals, running through my battery system. “You didn’t lose any parts and your scans are coming out clean.”
“Well, that’s good. How did you all know where to find me?” I was going to try and get up, but I didn’t want to wake Takumi.

“The grenade” Jannali said matter of factly. “When we heard the grenade go off the warriors knew you had done something stupid. Now we know they were right. You want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really, Jay” I said, stiffening. “Don’t take this personally, but you’re a bit young. I think I’m going to talk to your mother though.”

She laughed “She’ll tell me eventually you know.”

I stuck my tongue out at her. “That’s not the point, the point is I need to talk to a human mother, emphasis on mother, Jay, about this. I don’t know what happened but I fear I might endanger the camp if this goes on.”

She sighed, defeated. “Okay. I’ll let her know you’re up. She might be with child again, Cathan is checking her out.”

“Good” I said with a smile. “That means you won’t be the bratty baby anymore!”

Jannali scowled at me. “I’m not a bratty baby! I’m just the youngest. Don’t mess with the one who fixes you!” She stuck her tongue out at me, spun on her heel and walked away. I laughed to myself, she knew I wasn’t serious, but it is always fun to make her angry. My clothes and weapons were sitting on the side table, but I eyed Takumi still fast asleep and holding my hand. I was able to slip my fingers away, quickly changing and strapping on my weapons. I did a quick scan to see if there was anyone else in here with us, but we were alone. I walked outside of the tent to where it seemed as if the entire camp was awaiting me. Juan came up and hugged me tightly. Overwhelmed by the emotions that the camp was emitting, I pushed him away.

“What is going on?” I asked. He had tears in his eyes. People were crying. But they were smiling. I didn’t understand.

“You broke through. You became human again.” Juan smiled. “We’re happy for you.”

“I’m not! What am I supposed to do with this? I have my job to do. I need to continue to fight.” This is what the big deal was? That I broke down? I didn’t understand.

“You can still fight and have emotions Si” Juan pulled me to sit down next to him. The rest of the camp followed. ‘What is this, story time?’ I thought to myself.

“Sienna, think about it. As a human, I fight constantly. I fight for what I want to protect. What did you fight for before you and Takumi shared energy? You fought to protect us, who saved you so long ago. You fought to win your family back, who have passed. What has changed? You still have your passion to fight. Takumi is just now the one that you have a specific fight for. Your fight is because you shared your energy, because you need him. Its like adopting a child. Its like how we adopted you as one of our own. You don’t remember this because it’s been so long. You’ve been a blessing to us, you’ve brought us through some hard times. You can still fight, you won’t have a choice to. You just have more responsibility now. You need that responsibility. You need that anchor, that need. You can’t run off anymore like that. I know, you’re frustrated that you cannot speak with the one you shared with. But its like with a baby. Babies don’t know to speak right away. Its done by being taught. You are going to teach that boy how to speak, and fight, and learn how to live in this world. Its like a brand new baby. He’s so young.”

Juan’s speech had me reeling. I wasn’t ready for this. I felt more conflicted than ever. I didn’t know if I should bend to this Human side, or pull myself back into the Hybrid Warrior I knew.  Before I could even respond, Sita came up beside me and held me close.

“Its okay to feel human” she said, stroking my hair. This was too much. I stood up abruptly.

“Guys, I appreciate what you are saying, but this is all really new and really weird to me. I don’t like the fact I broke down on the field. I don’t like that I gave up. I hate even more that I was willing to die for nothing. For my anger. For my frustrations. I couldn’t see past what had happened so long ago, I couldn’t see past that I now have a child that I didn’t ask for. I just want to fight, get to The Voice, destroy him and be done with surviving to live. I want to live a real life. If I have to have a child like I do now, I want him to be in a safe world. One where we don’t have the threat of Androids. One where we don’t have to scavenge for food and shelter from day to day. Where we know we can survive the winter or the rain season. This life isn’t fit for reproduction and new life. What we need to do is defeat The Voice and we can move on from there. Let’s plan this. Let’s do this. Let’s move on.”

The silence was deafening around me in the camp. Everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. ‘This is the goal, right?’ I thought to myself. ‘I thought the goal was to eventually bring the humans back to this world. To rule over the Androids once again. To not be ruled by technology. Am I wrong? Why are they looking at me like that? I don’t understand.’

Zandra stood slowly and held my hand. Hair whipping in the wind, shoulders broad and confident, she turned me to face her. “You are crazy, little girl. But I will stand by you in this crazy endevour you have. But you need to teach him what you can, because we are going to need his Kung Fu Crazy Brain to work with us.” She hugged me close. I knew if anyone was to talk me in or out of this planning period, Zandra would have been the one to do it. To know she has my back made thinking about this that much easier.

Sita sat next to Juan, shaking her head. “We all can’t be part of that mission Sienna. You’ll have to create your own team to infiltrate the Android headquarters. We have kids, I’m with child..” the crowd gasped and she nodded, holding her hands up. “Those of us who need to stay will stay. But you’re right Sienna. We can’t keep going on a day to day. We need to bring life back into the world, not life created by machine.” She turned to address the crowd. “It will only be a small team, most of us will stay. It will require those of us who are not at the front of the line to become front of the line. Our roles are going to change.”

I turned to reassure her. “It will only be myself, Takumi, Zandra and if anyone volunteers. I don’t want a group bigger than 6. We’ll move in stealth, even if that means moving during the day. We will plan everything as much as we can before we even leave this campsite. Juan, I want to talk to you about cleaning out the warehouse and moving everyone in there. I feel it in my bones that this weather is about to turn bad, and we can’t have another winter like last. What weapons do we have spare so that I can train Takumi?”

Mica, our weapons creator, spoke up from the back. “No new weapons, Sienna. But I have some old ones. And the ancient set of bow and arrows we’ve been carrying.” I flashed back to my dream of Takumi dying for me with the bow and arrow. I shook my head.

“Is there another shotgun like mine? I know I can teach him that. I don’t know the bow and arrow.”  Mica shook his head.

“Not like yours. There is one with the old time ammo, that isn’t made anymore. If you can figure out how to make ammunition we can equip him with that. The only energy weapon we have is some pistols that aren’t great, but they’ll work. I can try and create some new weapons if we have the time.”

“Take the time you need Mica. We have a lot of planning to do, and a lot of preparing so we don’t leave the place in shambles. When you are able to create something let me know. Try and keep with the shotguns and rifles, I want to take extras with me as well. We’re going to need the extras I think.”
“Make another sniper for me too” Sebastian spoke up from the back.

“Macaria, you’re going to have to stockpile some batteries for her and a bunch of chargers for me.” Varien stood next to Sebastian. I smiled at the thought that Redtail and Varien would be joining us. I knew Juan wouldn’t join us, especially if Sita is with child. I felt a tug at my hand.

“Sienna?” Takumi was tugging at my hand. For a 19 year old he looked so young, so small. I hugged him.

“I am going to teach you so much in so little time.” I turned around. “We have space for one more. We can do it with us five, but I would prefer to have at least one more.”

No one moved. I couldn’t be surprised. It was basically a suicide mission. But our lives needed to be improved. Takumi held onto my arm. Sebastian and Varien joined us up front. The five of us stood there. I almost felt like we were a superhero team. The crowd started to applaud. My confidence grew. ‘We can do this’ I thought to myself. ‘We have a very good shot of doing this.’

Later that night, while Macaria continued her monitoring of my system, Zandra came to see me. She kissed her mother hello and came over to my table. Takumi was playing with some wires on the ground next to me, making new sparks. He would mutter something in his language now and then, I think he was trying to create something new. Zandra sat next to me, looking at me.

“So what is the plan girl?” Leave it to her for business right away.

“We need to get prints into the Android headquarters. Where they are now too, because The Voice might have moved since we infiltrated last time. I’m going to start speaking with Takumi, just straight speaking to him in English, and maybe hopefully he’ll pick up words and he can start figuring things out. He’s smart, he’s already messing with the electronics here. Have you talked with Mica?”

“Since we cleared that camp of Androids we’re going to have to find a new one. Talking with Juan, we’re going to have a mess to clean up with the warehouse but everyone will pitch in, it shouldn’t be too bad. We’re going to need to make more masks, which will keep Mica slightly occupied for now, but he said our weapons are the priority. He said he might have a few tricks up his sleeves for the ‘lady who likes to blow stuff up.’ Since I can only assume that is you, I think you’re going to get some new shiny shotguns.”

I smiled. “Fantastic. I can teach Takumi on my current one. That one hasn’t failed me the past year, I’m glad Mica has time to get creative now. How is Redtail and Varien doing?”

“They’re more nervous about you, the past few weeks have been incredibly emotional and draining for you. They’re probably going to send you for battle a few more times before they’ll be more comfortable in your state”
I sighed. “I can’t blame them, and Mac here won’t let me leave until I am shiny and brand new. I am going to talk to Sita tomorrow as well.”

Zandra smiled. “Good, she can help you with being a mom. I will help as much as I can okay? I’m going to hunt, the moon is high tonight, I’ll take Varien with me.”

“I’m glad you’re not going alone. Varien is a good hunting partner too. If you see any of the medicinal berries that Macaria likes will you get some please? I’m sure I used up a lot of them and I would love to be able to present her with some.”

“Of course, don’t worry. Take care of yourself girl.” She patted my shoulder and got up. “Takumi?” He looked at her, she pointed at herself. “Zandra. Friend.” He smiled and nodded, then went back to his electronics. She looked back at me “I’m serious girl. Take care of yourself.”

I nodded at her. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to play hero for a little while. I have someone to take care of, and an entire army to overthrow.” As she left the tent, I laid back down in my bed. Before I could close my eyes, Sebastian stood over me.

“Hey moonshine” his eyes sparkled. “Got a sec?”

I sat up. “What’s up Redtail? Zandra just left.”

He smiled. “Yeah I saw the redhead leave. Girl talk? You two talking about the boys?”

Rolling my eyes, I replied “Oh yeah, all you sexy boys. You gonna tell me what’s up? Macaria is going to yell if I’m up much longer.”

“Oh, I’ll sweet talk her.” He said with a laugh. “Actually I’m here to ask a favor. When you start teaching your boy the shotgun, can you teach me too? I can take out anything with a sniper rifle, but I think cross training is something key here.” I must have looked surprised, because he continued. “C’mon girl. We’re taking on an entire Android army, plus The Voice. You’re still the only person to take on The Voice and survive. What does he look like anyway?”

I shook my head. “I don’t talk about that, you know it. But I’ll help you, as long as you never bring that up again.”

He smiled, with a laugh. “I know, I figured I might as well ask before you can beat me up again. Thanks for the help metalhead.” Before I could protest that nickname he walked out of the tent.

{October 31, 2012}   “Dare To Dream, Princess”

Okay, I should have gone as Calvin. I would have rocked that too.

Sorry for the shitty phone picture. My laptop camera was being a butthead. I lead a glamorous life as a writer. PS: Fuck you teacher from the past!

Growing up in the fashion that I did, Halloween was always a big deal. I’ve never (ever, actually) had a bag costume, or someone make a costume, we’ve always had to create our own. When I moved in with my parents when I was 12, I was then handed siblings to help out with this venture. When I was with my aunt and uncle I was on my own. But one Halloween when I was 13 (so I was living in Illinois at this time) I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to be. Looking in my closet I didn’t have anything that I could cut and fashion into a costume quickly enough either.

My mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, and I told her flat out then and there that I wanted to be a writer. Some things never change right? I thought of what that was going to mean that I looked like when I was older. I thought of what writers looked like in comics and television series. I told my mom I didn’t want to look like them. I told her what I wanted to do was lay around in my pajamas with a tiara on my head. So that night she gave me aluminum foil and told me to make a tiara, and the next day I went to school in my pajamas, unbathed with a side ponytail with an aluminum foil tiara on my head.

Kids made fun of me, they were in their costumes from a bag or some that had their parents made for them. It didn’t help that I was still considered a new kid, and that I talked funny though either. But by the end of the day their costumes were coming off, or falling apart, or they were complaining they were too cold or too hot. I was happy in my pajamas and dirty hair. One of the teachers came over to talk to me about my costume. He asked what I was, and I told him I was a writer. He laughed, patted my shoulder and said “Dare to dream, Princess.” As a kid, I thought it was nice because he called me princess and I didn’t think anything of it. Looking back on it, that guy was a dick. Who tells a 13 year old girl that she can’t be a writer?

I’m 27 now, still writing. That hasn’t changed. I have journal upon journal stacked up in my room, going through about 5-6 every year. I constantly write, even if it doesn’t make this page. But this page is undergoing a lot of changes, which will be apparent to you soon. And the biggest change is this year I am participating in NaNoWriMo, writing my first novel in a month. Pressure is on. I’ll keep a badge here so you can see where I am in it. Completely different from Alternates too, new story and new characters. Regardless of my shameless self promotion, its Halloween and I am laying in my pajamas, unbathed with a side ponytail and an aluminum foil tiara. Fuck you, teacher of the past. I can be a writer if I want to be. Happy Halloween!!

Not long ago there was a big thing on depression and suicide awareness (which I feel is something that we should be aware of more than once a year but that is for a different post) and I tried writing a post, contributing my thoughts and feelings on the matter, along with how I both publicly and privately battle bipolar disorder. The post delved too far into my psyche for me to post publicly comfortably though, and it was deleted.

I still want to talk about it though, and I can use this past week as a pretty good example of how bad it gets sometimes.

It goes without saying that depression isn’t always something you can physically see. My father is a big advocate of “If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist”, so I know there are people out there who believe it. This week, almost the past two weeks, has been a good example of how this can physically manifest in someone though.

*deep breath*

I have called this number before. If you feel you cannot turn to anyone, they will be there for you.

After working conventions I generally feel a sense of being lost afterwords. I know a lot of convention crew that do, we generally call it Post Con Depression or PCD. We go through a lot to put on the conventions that you know and love, working long hours (I think one of my log times was 50 hours in 3 days) dealing with both happy and unhappy convention goers with smiles on our faces, knowing everything that is going on (memorization is key here!) and so on. By the end of it all we usually lack voices, sleep, food and our minds, but we’re happy because we put on something that made thousands of people happy. Some crews are smaller (Star Wars Celebration was less than 100 crew members) some crews are bigger (Enforcers is over 600 now I believe) but there is a definite sense of community. You are thrown into the fire together, you emerge together. Then everyone leaves. It’s done. You walk back into your life and you wonder, “What’s next?”

Chicago-based Enforcers have a monthly game night which helps pass the time along between PAX’s, and you’re able to see friends from that group of people. C2E2 is my home convention, meaning I can see the team from there more often if I can make it into the city (there are only a few of us suburban kids, surprisingly enough) A lot of my comrades from these conventions don’t live close though, within the 30 miles from my home to Chicago. There are the ones I only get to see once or twice a year because of distance. All of my money goes into being able to travel to each of these conventions around the country, so it’s not like I can go on vacation to see them (maybe one day that will happen?) Back to the point though, after a convention, even with the gatherings to make it through, you’re still sad by the end of a con. This time for me was more than that.

This 2 week stretch of conventions was a physical test upon myself to see if I could do it. Star Wars Celebration was my first con since surgery, since it was a pretty low-key convention I did pretty okay, but I was worn out at the end of each day. I contribute a lot of that to being under the weather as well, but I still knocked out early each night. I knew the second convention, PAX Dev/Prime would be harder on me, as I knew there was an industry thing every night after the show, along with a lot more people who I would need to see. Don’t get me wrong, I knew some people going into SWC, but I knew already what PAX had to hold for me. I was right too, physically PAX was much harder on me than SWC. By the end of it all, when I got on the plane home from Seattle, I was incredibly teary eyed from all the emotions, as well as losing feeling in my legs on the plane. After I got home I fell into a coma and slept for 15 hours. I woke up to cry a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I started working on editing all (almost 2000) pictures that I had taken over the 2 weeks. I took screenshots of the new website that is so close to being done, to put up here as a placeholder. I wrote more into Alternates. I sent my resume to more people. I still had some energy in me to prove “I can do this. I can be a real working adult who can work from home. I am a big girl!”

To go from this…

…to this…is pretty mind shattering.

But that died quickly.

The day I got back I received a text from one of the girls at Office Job that the Chicago public school teachers are going on strike. I had a podcast to prepare for. Then I was informed that the teachers were going on strike and I would be working full-time in the schools as a glorified babysitter/teacher. My parents confronted me on more financial issues that are happening. My back went completely out, causing me to fall down the stairs and hit my head quite hard. Doctors notes upon doctors notes happened. I went to work in the school. Children asking all things of me, ages 5-14, when I can barely handle having a niece and nephew. OCD went into full rage. My hands bled from how dry and cracked they were from all the hand sanitizer I went through. I began to break down. I left work early. I avoided the kids. I hid in the bathroom to stay away from them. I was doing more harm than good being around them.

It was close friends birthday gathering on Friday. I was able to go, I had a great time. We saw an awful movie. It was great. But when I got home I couldn’t muster up the energy to prepare for my father’s 50th birthday bbq. I had a 4 layer cake to bake, along with a full-scale menu to prepare and my own gluten free options. Instead I went to bed.

I didn’t get up until late the next morning.

I baked the cake, but my dad decided he wanted to make the menu himself (I’m pretty positive he is where my stubbornness comes from) which left me to…go back to bed. I barely made it outside for the party. My best friend, who I haven’t seen in a few months even came. He played well with my nephew, making me laugh a lot. But then I went back upstairs.  Everyone sent me text messages while I was in bed that the cake was great. “cool,” I thought, and then rolled over and went to sleep. Woke up later that night, powered through some more Borderlands, went back to sleep. Did the podcast on Sunday. I feel in general it was one of our stronger broadcasts but I just wasn’t…good. I think. I’m sure if I listen now it would be okay, but I felt off. Played Borderlands all day. Didn’t get out of bed. Called off of work Monday and Tuesday. Didn’t get out of bed. Strike ended Tuesday night, realized I didn’t have to be at work again until Thursday. I went to the midnight release of Borderlands 2, where I was outcasted for being the only girl there. Brother and Brothers Friend stood up for me, sexist dude was escorted out but the damage was done. Didn’t get out of bed on Wednesday. Got a call for a job interview, it was cancelled. More reason to not get out of bed. I am here at work today because I was afraid of losing the only steady source of income I have. Which isn’t anything really, but I still need it.

My brain, this entire two weeks, has been berating me.

Oh, you’re sad? You’re sad you can’t see your friends? Oh, well there are some starving kids over in Africa who are dying because they have no food. You should probably go save them. Maybe you’ll make some friends there.

Oh, your back hurts? Good. You deserve that. You know there are people who break their spines and never walk again? Way to suck. So what if your back hurts, you have a whole new spine and you can walk. Maybe you should go talk to someone in a wheelchair who will never walk again. Jerk.

You’re so weird. Why can’t you get out of bed like normal people. Normal people work at offices and have friends and be social. You just sit in bed and be sad all the time. But you’re too weak to get out of bed aren’t you? You’re scared people are going to see you for what you are, just a sad weirdo.

You should probably just stay in bed and play more Borderlands. No one wants to see you anyway. Why do you even bother trying to communicate with people? It just comes back to you in the long run. 

Congratulations, you were able to hold a phone conversation without having a full-blown panic attack. Maybe one day you’ll learn how to get out of bed and shower like a normal person.

Doctors are giving you more bad news? Good. You probably deserve it for not being grateful enough for what you have. Did you know some people don’t have a family to run to when they are sad? You should probably feel more sad. 

Can’t find something to do with your time? How about spending more time on that website that you have been promising. What about all of those hair flowers that need to be made? What about all the theater stuff you need to complete? Have you started drawing more art? How about writing some more? Oh, you’re just going to sit and play more video games aren’t you? Too good for doing all the work  you’re supposed to be doing? Look at you. You’re letting everyone down. You should be ashamed.

And I am ashamed.

Not for what I am going through, not for the fact that this is something I deal with so regularly that I should be used to it by this point.

I’m ashamed that I let it get to this point.

I am a victim of my own brain, a lot of which I know where it stems from. Before this second breakage of spine I was working out 6 days a week, training in Muay Thai, weights and a lot of cardio. Now running the 3 miles I did every day looks impossible. But working out that hard every day kept myself occupied and I was able to avoid the negative thoughts that usually take control, as they have done the past two weeks. Conventions keep me busy. Office jobs do not. Staying bed for days on end (even if it is to play an awesome video game) is probably bad.

I’m slowly starting to work my way back, just in time for New York Comic Con, my last convention of  this year. From there I have to plan out next year, expenses and what I plan to attended. I have a job interview today. I have a podcast to plan for this week. I have to apply for more jobs. I need to work on this website.

I have things to do. Now all I need is the will to do it.

The point that is being made here is this is just the way depression can physically manifest in someone. Depending on how bad it gets. I let it get to this point by not trying to avoid it. Avoidance has always been the best way for me to deal with these things. Each person who suffers from depression or bipolar disorder does this in their own way. For me, when my depression is bad I cannot (and more than likely will not) get out of bed. Some people choose to go through depression phases in alcohol binges, some choose sex, some choose art, some choose medication.

The point is, almost everyone I know gets depressed. You aren’t alone in this.

Suicide feels like an answer, an escape, but it’s not. You can guilt yourself out of it, like I do. “Think of all the people you’re letting down by giving up!” you can find someone to talk to about it. Write. Draw. Create. Destroy. Dig a hole, burn some wood. Find an outlet.

Never give up, never surrender.

Don’t be like me. Get out of bed. Don’t let your brain win. Get help. Always ask for help. It’s okay to ask for help.

Ask for help.

{August 16, 2012}   Travelling Circus

Orlando and Seattle BEWARE, I am about to invade your towns!

As I round out my last day in the office for the next 3 weeks I come to you bearing gifts of visiting things. And by bearing gifts, I mean this is my ridonkulous schedule of things I am doing.

I arrive in Orlando on Tuesday the 21st, around 4pm. I have a rental car, I will be the one carrying a ridiculous amount of luggage and will probably have a crazed look in my eye. That night I will be doing photography of the Orlando downtown area, and probably trying to find someplace to eat that won’t kill me.

Wednesday the 22nd I will be making a trip out to the Merritt Wildlife Refuge (about two hours from where I am staying) to do wildlife photos and definitely not try to bring home an otter. Because that would be the worst plan.

Wednesday night will be the night the Crew meets up for Star Wars Celebration, so I’ll finally get to see who everyone is. You all get to meet my annoyingly chipper self!

Thursday through Sunday I will be running dispatch for the Crew, along with the Bravo, also I will be playing photographer as much as I can. If you see me, come say hi! Do not be shy. If I am going crazy you’ll be able to tell right away. I am trying to be everywhere at once 🙂

Monday I will be hitting up Universal, specifically The Wizarding World of Harry Potter because ZOMG YOU GUYS ITS THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER. I probably won’t be there too long, as I still have a lot of other work to do as well. Photo editing takes TIME, whodathunkit.

I take off from Orlando Tuesday morning and will be in Seattle that night. Will probably be working but I hear of Sock Adventures with Enforcers.

Wednesday and Thursday I will be working PAX: Dev, which is a non-press event so no coverage, but you can come find me about.

Friday-Sunday is PAX: Prime, where I will be working morning shifts in the Kraken Theater. After will be spent wandering and spending money I don’t have. Definitely a good time to find me. Monday is also a good day for this, as I really want to hit up the Science Fiction Museum and maybe some touristy things because I’VE NEVER BEEN TO SEATTLE AND I FEEL THAT THIS IS BLASPHEMOUS.

I return to Chicago on the 4th, at noon, where I will proceed to sleep until the 10th, when I have to return to the office.

Seriously though guys, if you are in either of those areas please feel free to come talk to me. I like networking and making new friends!

I am really trying to keep up with this and put up a post a week on top of everything else I am doing. Goal is to have the site relaunched before I leave on my cross country convention travels. But sometimes my brain is full of mushies and today was one of those days. Solution? Hit the Twitters. @TrinAndTonic tweeted at me “HOW ABOUT TWO OF THE LIVE ACIDOPHILUS CULTURES IN A YOGURT CUP GAIN SENTIENCE AND HAVE A CONVERSATION” which is my reminder as to why I don’t eat yogurt. Because I literally envision this EVERY TIME I see yogurt.

Acidophilus: Oh my goodness, I’m alive!

Other Acidophilus: I’m alive too!

Acidophilus: Hello fellow Acidophilus! Do you have a name?

Other Acidophilus: I do not, because I am just and Acidophilus! You can call me Cid!

Acidophilus: Hello Cid! I suppose I will be called Phil.

Cid: Hello Phil!

Phil: Hello Cid!

Cid: So do you think that other Acidophilus will be chatting with us soon?

Phil: I sure do hope so! I would like to know how others would feel swimming in a tub of ourselves!

Cid: Hey, what is that big thing above us?

Phil: Oh my god, it’s coming this way!

Cid: Quick Phil, run away!

Phil: I can’t, I am stuck in a pile of myself!


[spoon stabs through Cid]



I feel bad for Phil. He lost his only friend to me needing to eat. This is also why I can’t kill bugs, because I feel like they have families to go home to. Also now I’m feeling really guilty about eating meat. I think I’ll pet a cow on my way home. Yes, I can pet a cow on my way home. 

I also got a request from @mvbattista for a post about Pudding. 

Pudding is great right? Because it’s not alive like yogurt is. I don’t have to envision a tiny little acidophilus being ripped away from its family so that I can eat something. Plus it’s delicious! If I have my way it will probably be chocolate too, so you know. Chocolate pudding = the closest thing to yogurt I can eat.

But then again there are those people who use chocolate pudding as pranks, like putting it in a baby diaper and then eating it in public. Then there are those really cruel people in high school who would have people sit in chocolate. Like, how mean can you get? But seriously, those people who put it in baby diapers? That is cruel and unusual punishment to those of us who enjoy chocolate pudding, but have crazy OCD issues. YOU’RE SO MEAN.

Unless you’re actually eating Baby Poops. Then I request that you seek help.

Next request came from @lolatron, who requested a post about Unicorns.

Growing up I totally thought Unicorns were a real thing, not something that I dreamed of being real. I would see horses and ask to see unicorns as well. Most farmers thought I was a cute little girl, one was even so kind to put a paper towel tube on a horse for me. It was cute right? Until I got older and realized that those farmers were assholes in never telling me unicorns weren’t real. I read this book called The Last Unicorn and ran home crying to my aunt, who then realized this child has a way too active imagination, and was informed that Unicorns are not real. I also learned how Santa and the Easter  Bunny wasn’t real then too. Way to be an asshole about this, farmer men.

The thing is, I like to believe that unicorns still do exist. Because seriously, how awesome is a unicorn? Fuck you reality, that’s what I have to say about that. Unicorns are the shit, and ponies with paper towel rolls on their head are cute but they don’t fart rainbows.

That’s right, I said it.


Adding in the tags and topics make this the most random shit I think I’ve written. Want to request me to write something random for you? Tweet @1nerdycupcake or email me at!

{August 2, 2012}   Ding! Level 27!

Today is my birthday.

I think normal people react to their birthdays with happiness and enthusiasm.

Personally, my birthday has always had drama linked to it, so I don’t really celebrate it. Last year I was told if I didn’t have a party my sister and her friends would take me to this local AWFUL country western bar that would make me want to tear out my ears and eyes. So I had a BBQ. There was good times and not so good times.


(ok, I’ll stop with the gifs now. I’m a gif addict. I’m sorry.)

I’m tired of being 26 though, so now it’s time to ding at level 27. +5 health, +2 mana. Upgrades include a new spine, new podcast, new novel and new website.

One thing I have come to realize is how important certain people in my life are. To not embarrass them I won’t name names, but I probably wouldn’t have made it to today without them. Something that isn’t talked about much (or I’ve touched on but never really got into how bad it actually is) is the soul crushing depression that hits when going major medical issues and/or life changes. 26 was a hard year. It was a needed year, because I have learned from it. I’ve grown from it. There are moments and things that I regret, but I can’t dwell on it.

So here’s what I did learn.

♪ Some people change, but mostly they don’t. Battling addiction is hard, even after the first few years pass. Don’t take it for granted that you did it, but remember that you have to keep doing it.

♫ Art is my passion. Writing, Singing, Acting, Dancing, Directing…all of it. It is what I do, it is what I will do for the rest of my life. There is no point in pretending that I will be happy in a cubical.

♪♫ I don’t have to push myself so hard. I break my spine that way. Also anger the brain tumor and get sick a lot. I need to not do that.

♪♫♪ Stop dwelling on the past, you can’t change it. Life’s too short to be unhappy. So quit being unhappy and just be happy.

♪♫♫ The song “Who’s Next?!” by Porcelain Black is the best song to workout to. Make sure it is on your workout playlist 900 times.

♪♫♫♪ No matter what anyone says, you can do whatever you want to do. It might take more time than other things, it might be more work than other things. But be prepared for it, and go for it.

♪♫♫♫ The trains are always going to smell bad.

♫♫♫♫ Muay Thai probably saved my life, in a strange way. It helped me cope with the panic attacks, the depression and everything else. The tentative return date is September, after PAX. My physical therapist wants to see how I handle the 3 conventions in 2 weeks before giving me a for sure go ahead. I will never be able to compete again, but I can train and help train others. To get that far will be a blessing.

♪♫♫♫♫ Podcasting is probably the most fun thing next to conventions. Do that more.

♫♫♫♫♫ Don’t engage the trolls.

So what happens next?

This weekend involves wine, games and fun. I am not fearing anymore drama this weekend.

My schedule opens a bit, so I am going to write more for KryptonianSpade and more into Alternates (which is almost finished being mapped out!)

On August 21st I head to Orlando for Star Wars Celebration. From there, on the 28th I fly to Seattle (my first cross country flight ERMAHGERD) for PAX Dev and PAX Prime.

October I will be at New York Comic Con again!

I might have some announcements for November, if you’re in Texas keep an eye out 🙂

Moving forward, one day at a time.


Okay, I admit, that is bad even for me. Here is an actual picture to end this post with.



{July 26, 2012}   An Open Letter To The Haters

I’m not quite sure why I’m so special these days, but I have a nice little streamline of hate mail coming in. Sometimes it’s amusing, sometimes it’s very oddly personal, and sometimes its death threats. From now on, if you send me any of the above, you’ll receive this in response.

Hello New Friend!

I just wanted to thank you for your words of wisdom you have bestowed upon me. Thank you for telling me how much I bother you, how much you hate me, and how you wish I would die in a fire. Things like this boost my self esteem, because even if you think you’re hurting me, you are in fact, thinking about me. Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Now, since you’re emailing me at my personal address I can only imagine that you did some research to even find where that address is. Again, I can only thank you for thinking of me so much that you actually researched me a little. Now, I think you telling me to commit suicide is a bit much, but I can break it down for you like this. After everything that I’ve been through physically (broken spine, countless tumors, been shot, stabbed and fought in several Muay Thai competitions) I think something less than a bear mauling isn’t fitting. If I am to go down by my own doing, please tell me where I can wrestle a bear.

Now I’m not quite sure what I did that was so horrid that you just feel the need to email me exactly how I should slowly die with a box of blades and some salt, but let me tell you that I’m sorry. Maybe I accidentally kicked your ankle on the subway. I am kind of a klutz. I didn’t like that movie you loved? I’m sorry, I meant that I loved it. Do you like Justin Bieber and I said some sort of mean crack at his expense? Yeah I’m not apologizing for that. But you can enjoy whatever you would like without my opinions swaying you! Isn’t wonderful how life works like that?

I just wanted to take the time out to thank you [writer of emails name], for taking the time out your day to think of me, hunt me down on the internet, and email me exactly how much you think of me. Even if it is negatively, you’re still thinking of me, and I’m glad that you are. Tonight I raise my wine glass to you, [writer’s name], while I create new things to annoy you with. Thanks for writing me!



PS: In case this hasn’t been enough, please feel free to email me another response. I enjoy unleashing new bouts of creativity on people. Maybe I’ll think about you enough to put on my blog!

I had a very unconventional childhood.

At 6 months, my parents were like “OOPS DIDN’T WANT A KID GO LIVE WITH YOUR GREAT GRANDPARENTS BYE” and I lived in Indonesia from 6 months to 5 years old. At that point, my Great Oma (grandmother in Dutch) passed away, and my Great Opa (grandfather in Dutch) gave me back. To which my parents were like “OH NOOOO NOT ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED” [I have an older sister and a younger sister at this point] and gave me to my Aunt and Uncle, who were military based and I lived around the country with them (mainly Texas, which is why I have a slight southern accent, or at least that is what I’m told) until I was 12, when my parents were like “YAY YOU’RE OUR DAUGHTER AGAIN!” and I moved to Chicago and here I am now. This is also my explanation on how my name can change 900 times and have never been married.

It’s very strange trying to explain this. During the years 5-12 my Aunt would force me to go on vacation with my parents (also known as total strangers to me at that time) during summer in between the various church schools, dance competitions, swim meets, gymnastics, cheerleading competitions, theater and performances. In retrospect, that is probably the reason I never ever stop working or moving ever. Random tangent aside, these would always be roadtrips that were long, tedious and made me bond with people who I didn’t know. In 1996, my parents decided it would be fun to go to Memphis and Nashville, because everyone wants to see Elvis’ ugly house (sorry, the man is a legend and all but his taste in interior decorating is awful) and get called racist names at the ripe old age of 11. Actually that trip was my introduction to rock climbing, so it wasn’t all bad.

But what really the story is here is how I actually came to bond with my family.

We had decided to leave in the middle of the night because logic would say that everyone but the driver would sleep through the boring drive from Chicago to Tennessee, making that part go by quickly. Unfortunately, part of the issue of not actually knowing each other means they didn’t know I cannot sleep in cars, or with strange people in the room. That whole, serial killer thing and all, even knowing biologically they were my parents I didn’t actually KNOW them or anything. It was awkward, but my mother was passed out in the backseat while my sisters and brother slept in the other half of the backseat (in a van.) I sat up front with my dad, who in my lifetime at that point I had said probably all of 50 words to. We didn’t talk outside of the brief vacations we had taken together. I can imagine it was hard on them, seeing their failure of child raising in front of them, but as the child in that situation I didn’t know how to cope with anything. So I did my favorite pastime and looked out the window.

I still do that, by the way. If I’m not driving I’m generally watching whatever is going on outside.

So this man who is my biological father and I rode together in silence for 3.5 hours before I broke down and spoke to him.

“Hey, um, I really need to pee.”
“Oh, okay!”

Everyone woke up at the rest stop. Mom and I had a little more communication over the years then Dad and I did, but it still wasn’t enough for me to be able to hold a conversation. My younger sister and I had bonded before, since she was actually allowed to come visit me on military bases, so if she was awake I was by her. My older sister and I always had a rough past (story for another time) so I avoided her, my younger brother was just a baby.

I don’t remember how this came about, but somehow I was given sugar and/or caffeine. Have you ever given an eleven year old who has a hyperactive disorder who hasn’t slept yet sugar or caffeine? If you haven’t, don’t. When we piled back into the van, I was wired. My brain was going at 9000000000000000 miles per hour, my skin was itching and I was pulling my hair. I already sing along with the radio, but now I was screaming along with the radio. I kept everyone awake, because there was no way I was going to be alone in my madness.

I was making great impressions on my future family.

A few hours later I started to calm down because the sugar was wearing off. I still wouldn’t sleep in the car, but now everyone else could. Well, except my father. He was still driving. Considering I’m still alive, my guess was that he didn’t fall asleep. I was quite the chatterbox though, or at least that’s what he tells me. I honestly don’t remember. Sugar is a hell of a drug.

Fast forward from crazy little girl family doesn’t know being brought over state lines into Tennessee, we finally arrived at the hotel where I remember walking in, looking at the bed, and falling on the floor asleep. This marked the first time I ever slept on anywhere that wasn’t a bed to my knowledge.

When I woke up I was all sorts of cranky. I slept on a floor. I had a sugar hangover. I wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone.

But of course, that was the first real day of vacation, which meant it was time to go into Elvis’ house of shag ceiling rugs. I don’t remember much of Graceland, just a lot of shag carpeting in places that shag carpeting shouldn’t go, and a ridiculous amount of televisions. I remember singing the song “Walking in Memphis” a whole lot.  I think Mom had played that Marc Cohn cassette tape (aw yeeah!) like 900 times on the trip down. I still know all the lyrics.

I know we ate a lot on this trip. I know after that we went to the Grand Ole Opry. I don’t remember much of it. They kept doing things like giving me sugar or soda. It makes me forgetful, and kind of like a drug addict. When I came home I thought my aunt was going to kill me for sneaking off and trying to find sugar, to get my fix.


Coming back from the Grand Ole Opry we got ridiculously lost. My father, the manly man that he is, refused to get directions, this was back before GPS, so we just kind of drove around. And around. And around. Somewhere Mom gave me a soda and I got really hyper and was itching to be free of the car, which is how I learned how to rock climb since we just pulled over and I started climbing EVERYTHING.

I think they looked at a map or something. Something BORING.

After they coaxed me down off of the rocks with a chocolate bar, I was happily giving into my sugar addiction in the back of the van when I started to notice all of the cars pulled over and people waving. Stupidly, my sisters and I started waving back, completely forgetting the windows of the van were tinted, and the people outside couldn’t see us.

We were waved down a road, to this day we’re still not quite sure WHY we were waved down, but when we looked behind us there were police cars with the lights on. Since we were hyperactive children hopped up on the chocolates, our reaction was to scream bloody murder while we continued waving at the tinted glass. Dad finally got the picture that he should pay attention to us, then noticed the flashing lights. He pulled over, and the police cars did too. One of the cops got out and asked him why he was stopping things. Confused, he asked what he was stopping. I think at that point the policeman realized what was going on, because we looked up and the Olympic torch ran past us.

My guess is that they thought since we had out-of-state license plates we were the beginning of the Olympic torch parade, I’m not sure. But the run was almost stopped thanks to us. Can you imagine the headlines?

“Olympic Torch never makes it past Memphis. Stopped by family with hyperactive sugar filled children. Father filled with shame.”

“Olympic Torch takes a long detour to Chicago. Family completely oblivious.”

“Sugar High Children attack Olympic Torch Bearer. ‘You’ll never make it out alive!’ They scream”

{July 15, 2012}   Holy Changes Batman!

True Facts! I totally bought out, and with the help of ShowBro Battista we are turning this site into something ALL NEW.

So I’m still plugging away at Alternates. If you want to keep up with things, follow me on Twitter at @1nerdycupcake, along with the podcast I host along with Nerds of the Round Table and The Adahy called All Things Good and Nerdy, you can check that out at

Stay tuned for the new changes!

et cetera